Monday, 13 October 2014

Seeing red

It's been quite an emotional couple of days. For the time being I have abandoned Blogtober - I hope to return to it soon, once the turmoil has subsided.

Marriage is a bitch sometimes. As much as I love being married, and am quite fond of my husband most of the time - the last two days were not one of those times. Before I get into (not too many) details, here is a question I have pondered over the last 24 hours: When you are part of a couple, how much of yourself are you expected to give up? Nothing at all, as in 'take me the way I am or leave it/me'? Or are you a supporter of the 'compromise is the key to a happy marriage'-idea?

How much do you take into consideration your partner's preference when it comes to your own body? For example, would you gain/lose weight for them? Change your style? Remove piercings, get tattoos or piercings, or - and here comes the issue that has rocked our household for the last 24 hours - have certain opinions about your partner's hair colour?

See, after playing it safe with my hair for quite a long time (it's been years and years, people!), I got the craving for a bit of an adventure. Step outside my comfort zone, which I'm known to do once in a blue moon.
So I plotted with my hair dresser to go copper red. Inspired by all the beautiful fall colours around me (and this picture), I thought that was an excellent idea. Red is bold and daring! Not for the faint of heart! Something fresh and new!
Here is the result:

These are unedited pictures, I just resized them. 

What do you think?

After the initial shock of "Holy hell this is red!!", I loved it. I happily skipped home, all the while humming to myself, a bit giddy about what I had just done. 

The anxiety-inducing part of getting a new 'do is, of course, the reactions of others. In particular loved ones. I know that my husband doesn't do too well with change, but I was confident that he would get used to it. 

Boy, oh boy, was I wrong.

He hates it. Absolutely, no-doubt-about-it, I-will-never-change-my-mind HATES it. His attitude has led to a very tension-filled, teary-eyed and uncomfortable atmosphere last night and all of today. I never anticipated such a strong reaction, and my little world is askew at the moment.

We fought about it. I have cried about it. Then I thought about it, long and hard. Is any hair colour worth such a fight? Should I stand my ground? Insist on the fact that it is my body, and I can do with it whatever I want?

Well, I have decided that no hair colour is worth such an unhappy household. So I will trudge back tomorrow, get it changed back to as close to my natural hair colour as possible, and just hope that my hair won't fall out from getting dyed twice within 48 hours. 

This is very unfeministic of me, and I can practically hear some of you protest as you are reading this. 
My reasons are very simple, really: I hate fights. I like peace and getting along with people, especially the person I'm living with.
I also want to be attractive to my husband. If I would have guessed at such a strong, adverse reaction, I would have never gotten it done.

This whole ordeal has made me realize two things: 1. We never know people as well as we think we do. 2. I will never again get this close to Emma Stone's gorgeous colour:
source
Dang it. 

Now I can look forward to going to work tomorrow with red hair, and the day after with brunette hair again. Can't wait having to explain it all.

Ugh. 

I hope your Monday was better! 

xo Miriam
  
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11 comments

  1. Dearest Miriam,
    Let me start out by saying that I don't want to cause any troubles between you and Mr. Miriam. But I love your red hair. I think changing your hair color can be such an empowering thing. It's like the e-sticker "A woman who is about to cut her hair is about to change her life". Same for hair color. And quite honestly I think you did a spot-on job of getting Emma Stone's color. It was something that YOU wanted to do for YOU and if it makes YOU happy, he should be happy for you too!
    Back when I was in my year-and-a-half-long relationship, I dyed my hair multiple times, but always the same-ish color so he never really noticed. But when I dared to CUT my hair? He gave me an awful look when he saw me, touched the end of it, and said, "please, never go shorter than this...can you let it grow back out?" and it crushed me. I had felt so empowered getting a cute bob and there he went, bashing me and bringing me to tears. It felt awful! Even though all of my girlfriends had loved it, I let his opinion get the best of me. And for what? Aren't they supposed to love us no matter what?
    I'd say leave it red. Talk to him about why he doesnt like it - is he just a stickler for what he's used to or did he have a bad experience with a redhead? Wouldn't he prefer you to be happy and confident over sad and confined? Really heart-to-heart about it. Maybe you'll knock some sense in to him :) Hang tough, Farm Girl - I love the red!
    ~ Samantha
    samsamcherie.blogspot.com

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  2. For what it's worth, I think it's cute and you should keep it. Like really, really cute.

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  3. I love the red! In fact, I recently dyed mine red as well but my blog posts have yet to catch up (your shade is better). Can you give it a week or two. Tell him you'll change it back but not just yet because you don't want to damage your hair (true). Maybe he'll get used to it. If not, well, you can go back to brunette. I can see why you'd want to keep the peace and wouldn't judge you for changing it back. We all want to be appealing to our partners. And it's better than if he was trying to change your natural color to something he liked. He likes you as you are, naturally.

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    Replies
    1. That's such a good point Jean! Great way of looking at it. I have since tweaked the colour a bit, and now everybody is happy. Can't wait to see your red hair!

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  4. I love it too, it's a beautiful colour. I think what it comes down to is the things you are willing to compromise on and what you're not for the sake of your relationship. There have been times where I have given in to my boyfriend for an easier life, there have been times where I've regretted doing it because it is my life and it makes me question our relationship.
    One thing we have had many a heated discussion about is tattoos. I love them and want to get a lot of them. They're an acquired taste but I had a fair few when we first met so it's no shock to him. He has said that he would not find me attractive if I became heavily tattooed but this is something that makes me feel more comfortable and happy with myself. I will not be giving in to him on this and have told him if it is that much of a problem he is free to go any time.
    I am definitely putting my own happiness first when it comes to this. After growing up in a fairly strict household I want to be my own person, otherwise I will end up resenting boyfriend. x

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  5. Sorry for what you needed to go through but sorry I LOVE the color.
    (I had this long ago, the shade is great, not red or orange but just purr-fect and if switching in btw colors would be easy, I would do it too...) Whatever decision you make, hope it will make you happy.

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    1. In fact your hair has the exact same tone as the one of the actress, wow! Sorry Dear.. :(

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  6. I love the Red hair! I can understand were you are coming from. I have wanted to streak or dye my hair purple for a very long time. But, I work for my aunt and I'm worried she will flip out if I get it done. I think the red looks absolutely gorgeous. I can see why you would want to keep the peace. But, at the same time sometimes we need to do things that will make us happy. You already dyed your hair so I agree with another commented. Tell your husband you can't have it redyed right away or your hair might fall out. It won't but I'm sure your husband wouldn't like that. He might get used to it in a few days if not then you can go back to brown.

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  7. I love the color! I want to see a front shot before it gets dyed back? I'm so sorry you did not get a positive reaction from the husband :( Men are weirdos :) I say no to changing too much for a relationship, there has to be a line, obviously. You guys have been married a long time. I think there is always some kind of compromise going on at some level of a relationship. There is always two sides. It might be a bit of a dumb thing for him to be so focused on as a problem but at the same time if it is something you can fix and just move on, should you dig in about it (b/c again dumb use of energy) :) Dumb=not important in the grand scheme of life :) Maybe he had a bad experience with a red-head and it reminds him of that. If I were in your shoes I would want to know the reasoning and it depends how important it is to you (and have you told him). I would not deal well with that kind of reaction from the husband. I always tell P I'm dying my hair crazy bright colors when I get grey (though I would probably chicken out)...I would like to see his reaction if I got purple hair :) Here's to a better a week and good luck! Hugs M!

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  8. I love the red, you know that. But I would trudge back for another dye job if my husband had such a strong reaction. At the end of the day, compromise is the way to go. And by compromise I mean, I'll dye my hair back to a shade you like, husband dearest. But on the way home, I'm buying myself some new shoes. On you. :)

    xoxo

    -Amy

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  9. So, I second Amy's comment. At the end of the day, compromise is the best. I had a similar issue with Jordan last year when he grew out his beard. I like that he can grow some scruff, but this beard was unruly and looked terrible. Even other people said so. However, he really wanted to keep it, so I let my opinion be known and then I waited it out. Eventually he shaved it, thank goodness. Now when he looks back at pictures, he's like, " yeah, you're right it did look bad." That situation is slightly different than yours, obviously, but the point is, it's hair and while it's not the end of the world, it's also not worth fighting over.

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