Farm Girl

Farm Girl

Figuring out life, one blog post at a time.

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Who do you listen to?

The phone rings. I glance at it, recognize the number, and let it go to voicemail. 
It's work. Most likely, they want to offer me an extra shift. 
I have nothing going on tomorrow, and I could use the money. 

Yet, I know with every fibre of my being that I do NOT want to take that shift.
Am I lazy?

I flinch at that thought, unsure of myself. I don't think that I'm lazy, but on the other hand - my house could be cleaner, the yard could be better maintained, and I could should work more as a healthy, young(ish) non-mother. After all, what else do I have going on?

Well, that's just the thing. In my mind, my job is just that - a job. I want my life to be more. What exactly - well, I'm still figuring that out. Something to do with writing and yoga, because those two are my passion. My loves. 
But they also make me despair. 

You see, yoga loves me back, most of the time. It makes me feel good, peaceful, and challenges me enough to keep me on my toes, hungry, and wanting more.

Writing, on the other hand, is a conniving bitch. Every day that I'm busy, it whispers into my ear that as soon as I have a day off, we will hang out all day, frolicking and laughing together, having the best time ever. We will skip across meadows, creating magic, making our lives meaningful. 
Then, the long-awaited day arrives. I wake up with a vague idea (or often, no idea at all), make myself a cup of strong coffee, and sit down in front of my computer expectantly. 

I open my browser. 
Check my emails. 
Read my favourite blogs. 
Check Facebook. 
Abandon my computer to get a second cup of coffee, and check Snapchat. 

Come back to my computer, scrolling listlessly through my open tabs. 
Damn, I looked at them all. 

The corgi looks at me expectantly, pulling on my sleeve for added urgency. 
I feel a surge of relief flooding my body. 
Right, I have to walk the dog!

I jump up, grab my disc player and a new CD, and take off.

One hour later.   

I'm back. The corgi pooped twice and is tired, I feel pleasantly accomplished and a bit exhausted, and I'm back on the computer. 
Hmm, gotta check my emails first. 
And any new blog updates. 

Okay, that's done. 
It's 1:30 pm now, let's get on with the writing!

The words won't come. 
Am I wasting my time? Fooling myself? This writing gig is never gonna work out. 
English is my second language. 
I have no formal training. 
I don't dedicate enough time to it. 

Yet, I can't seem to give it up.
Shouldn't I be sensible and just quit the silly day dream? Be a grown-up, face my responsibilities, take any extra shifts I can get, really make a dent into my debt?
Isn't that how I was raised?

Yes, I was. 

And I never wanted to end up like them. 
Living to work, never taking a nap, never being spontaneous and doing something silly. 
Always doing your duty. 
Always having your life dictated by work.

I want more. 
And less. 
I want to have days where I don't do anything, and not feel guilty about it. 
I want to be able to stare up at the sky, watch the clouds, and think about life and the world we live in. 
I want to go for lunch dates with my husband on an ordinary Wednesday. 
And sit in front of my computer, agonizing for hours about finding the right words, just to be able to write an article that has been on my mind for weeks, and needed to get out, however difficult it was. 

I want to remember the dream I had when I was a teenager, of living in NYC with my sister, writing for a magazine where she would be the photographer, living the creative life I never thought I would be creative enough for. 
I want to live each day like it's my last, because I have met too many people who have fatal diseases. 

Life is damn precious, and I'm afraid I'm wasting it if I run into my 9-5 every time they call me.
It sucks out my creative energy. 
It makes me worry about little things that are not important in the big scheme of things.
It turns me into this complaining and boring person that keeps talking about the same topic over and over, for all eternity, never stopping. 
I don't want to be that person.   

Isn't that just an excuse to slack off?, the little German devil on my right shoulder whispers malevolently into my ear.  
No, follow your dream, the other angel (with a voice that sounds suspiciously like a mix between Elizabeth Gilbert and Richard) whispers urgently. 

And I listen to the second angel. 
Because I have followed the first one all my life. 

Isn't it time to give the other one a chance?

Monday, 27 June 2016

Sun on my shoulders

Yesterday afternoon we went to Point Roberts. It's a small beach town in the US, that you can only access by going through Canada. Friends of ours own a cottage there, and invited us to come for dinner.  
As soon as you have crossed the border, you feel like you are on vacation. You can smell the ocean, people stroll leisurely through the streets in their bathing suits, and dogs run around off leash, barking at the seagulls, and chasing kites.

I borrowed our friend's bike and spent an hour happily pedaling up and down the quaint streets, soaking it all in. The weather was picture-perfect, with the sun on my shoulders and the wind in my hair, it was pure peace and relaxation!

I love it here  

Dress: old (lots of cute sundresses here)
Sandals: H&M (not available any more; cute alternatives here or here)
Sunnies: old (similar)
Necklace: SheIn

What did you do on the weekend?

Linking up with Fashion Should Be Fun, A Pocketful of Polka Dots, Rachel The Hat, Sheela writes, Elegance and Mommyhood and Shelbee on the Edge

Sunday, 26 June 2016

The day Voldemort returned

So much has happened in the last few days!
Let's do a re-cap, shall we?

1. I finished Orange Is the New Black
Guys, I was a wreck. If you have finished watching the 4th season, then you know why. If you haven't yet, buckle your seat belts: You are in for one helluva wild ride. This season was the best one yet, because it tackles an important topic: Black lives matter. I don't want to give anything away, but I beg you: Watch it!

The genius of Jenji Cohan is that she has managed not to idolize prisoners, but humanize them. By telling their stories of how they ended up in prison, you realize that some people are getting a shittier card in life than others.
Where you grow up, what sort of parents you have, the school you go to - it's all a crapshoot. Some of us win the lottery of life by being born in a rich country, to decent parents, with no worries about food, shelter, safety, or being loved. Others are not as lucky.
Watching this show definitely makes me appreciate how damn lucky I am, and that I have no reason to complain.
Except for one thing: Having to wait an entire year for the next season :-(

2. Brexit
I usually don't get political on here, and rest assured, I won't today either. But as a German/European citizen, I can't help but needing to acknowledge this shocking decision of Britain to leave the European Union (FYI: I think it's a terrible idea).
If you want to learn more, you can read all about it here.

The reason I decided to mention Brexit on my blog is this article I found yesterday.
It highlights the similarities between Lord Voldemort returning, and Britain deciding to leave the EU.
As a Harry Potter fan, I love this!
I won't repeat the article (read it, it's so awesome!), but I do want to share a couple of tweets featured on it:

3. Richard's birthday
You know what else happened on June 24th? It was Richard's birthday. Much less significant in the big scheme of the world, but responsible for my brief social media-break. I didn't post a single picture on Instagram for almost 72 hours, which has got to be a new record for me.
It made me feel strangely off-balanced, like an integral part of me was missing. But I was so busy with cleaning/cooking/hosting a birthday dinner, that I couldn't fit it in. Which means there is no photographic evidence of the dinner, or our dinner guests, which makes me wonder if it actually really happened??
My tummy (and exhaustion) say yes, but my phone says no - WHO TO BELIEVE??

I do, however, have a cute photo of him that I took yesterday (thanks to Snapchat).

Love him!

What's new with you?