10 reasons why you should do THE SCARY THING

Life – if lived right – is a daring adventure. If we want to live it to the fullest, if we want to suck every last drop out of it and take advantage of new opportunities, we will be scared. 

A lot.  

Unfortunately, adventure doesn’t come without risk, and risk scares us. So do new things. And change. And putting ourselves out there. We are afraid of what other people may think. We are worried that we may fail. 

And we are scared that the change we are contemplating may be for the worse. That we are making a mistake. The list goes on! 

I’m sure you’re as familiar with fear as I am, because fear is part of human life. Everybody is scared. Many of us let fear rule our life, and don’t dare try the thing they dream of, because of all the reasons listed above.  

However, there are the people who go for it despite the fear. Who push through it, and find out that life beyond fear? It’s the best damn thing. 

  

I’ve tried a few things in my life that scared the shit out of me, and I noticed something interesting. 

There are two kinds of fear: The good kind and the bad kind. 
The good kind is when you have butterflies in your stomach, and when you feel queasy, but also excited. That sort of fear gives you energy, and makes you look forward to what’s coming. 

The bad kind is when the fear is so heavy, it pulls you down. You literally want to hide under your covers. That fear is a lead blanket, holding you down, paralyzing you.    

I’ve identified 10 signs that will tell you that you should absolutely continue doing THE SCARY THING despite the fear: 

1. Excitement is mixed into the fear. 

You are scared, sure. But there are also moments of pure bliss, where you have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming. Because you’re doing it! You’re doing THE SCARY THING you have dreamed of and thought about and agonized over for so long! And in between feeling nauseous and wanting to puke, you’re damn proud of yourself.  

2. You wake up in the morning happy and full of energy. 

On days where you could sleep in, you wake up early, unable to sleep any longer. You have some goal chasing to do! Instead of dreading having to get up, you are eager, because you have work to do. Work that thrills you and that makes you glad to be alive. It’s an amazing feeling.  

3. You have thought and talked about THE SCARY THING about a gazillion times, unable to get it out of your head. 

You have also tried to quit it about a thousand times. And you can’t. That inability to just let go of your dream tells you something very important: That you will regret it if you don’t at least try. I’m a huge believer that trying and failing is much better than not trying at all.  
If you don’t try, you already failed, without even giving you a chance to succeed. I have read repeatedly that people who are at the end of their lives don’t regret the chances they took, but the chances they didn’t take.  

4. You still think about it all the time, but this time with a mix of enthusiasm, anticipation, incredulity, and a healthy dose of “fuck, is this really happening?!” 

Once you’ve embarked upon your journey doing THE SCARY THING, you still think about it all the damn time. It’s the first thought that pops in your head when you wake up and the last one before you fall asleep. You have to make a conscious effort not to talk about it constantly to the small circle who knows about it. But this time, there’s a difference: The nagging sense of disappointment/self-loathing is missing. And oh, it’s glorious.    

5. You admire others who are already doing what you are about to do.

There used to be a time where you envied people their success. Looking at them succeed made you feel like a failure. (Or was that just me?) 

But now it’s different. You are motivated by people who are doing what you want to be doing! Because it shows you that it can be done. And you can learn from them. You may even connect with them at some point, and become part of their tribe! 

A new world is opening up, and nothing seems impossible! 

6. You tell other people about it. 

At first, you only shared your dreams with a select few people: Maybe your partner, or your best friend, or the Internet. (We bloggers are weird.) 

But the more you work towards your goal, the more you start telling other people, because it’s starting to feel like a real possibility – like, this gig could actually work out. As long as it was only in your head, it seemed impossible – but now that you’re doing it, you recognize that by doing it you have moved it from dream to goal – from fantasy to reality.  

7. You seek help. 

The more you learn about it, and about other people who have successfully done what you are doing, the more you realize that they all had help. Every single one of them. You may have been too afraid/unworthy/awkward/proud to ask for help before, but now you do. Because if you don’t you won’t be able to accomplish THE SCARY THING, and you have come this far, it’s too late to quit now! 

8. You sacrifice other things in your life for it: You watch less Netflix, you get up an hour early to work on it; you cancel plans with friends for it. 

Shit is getting real when you are willing to sacrifice Netflix and drinks with the guys! Even weirder, you actually don’t mind doing it. You have a to-do list to do work on! 

9. You are investing money, time, and all your energy in your dream, because it’s that important to you. 

You have repeatedly heard the advice that you have to invest in your business/goals. But until now, you never have, because deep down you were convinced that you aren’t worth it, and that spending money on it would be a waste. Well, all that connecting and asking for help and learning from others is paying off, because now you know that if you don’t believe in yourself, why should anybody else? And if you don’t invest money/time/energy in yourself, why should anybody else? If you are convinced that what you have to contribute to the world is valuable, others will follow. 

10. You wouldn’t change a thing. 

No matter if THE SCARY THING will work out, you are proud of yourself for giving it your all. You are learning lots, not only about THE SCARY THING but also about yourself and others, and you wouldn’t trade this experience for anything in the world! 

xoxo Miriam

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Boss Women: Janne

Welcome to the fourth edition of Boss Women!
When I started this series 4 weeks ago, I had no idea how it would be received. All I knew was that I was brimming with excitement for this new venture, not only because it was something fresh and new, but also because it's so great to talk about someone else for a change.
As much as I enjoy sharing bits of my life and talking about personal growth and life lessons learnt, it's SO nice to learn more about other people!

I'm blown away by the positive reception to the series. My page Boss Women has over 5,000 hits in 4 short weeks, which is crazy for me. I share all my posts on my Facebook page, and the Boss Women posts consistently get the highest number of pageviews, likes, and comments.
Thank you all so very much for the overwhelming support!
It shows that celebrating each other makes us happy, and that another woman's success doesn't diminish our own. On the contrary, there's nothing more motivating to me than seeing someone else succeed - after all, if they can do it, so can we, right? 💪 

On my quest of finding kickass boss babes I came across Janne. I found her Instagram first, and while I was initially attracted to her beauty, carefree bohemian vibe and beautiful photography, what really captured me were her words.

I would rather pass my days lying in the middle of dirt roads, staring at the full moon with a bottle of summer red in my palms.

I would rather have kids when it suits me, not when society expects or throws shoulds.

I would rather live in a hammock on a beach for six months, and write like my soul means it.

I would rather be horribly broke at times, than married to a job because a mortgage payment has my ass on a hook.

I would rather own moments, than investments.

I would rather eat alone, than sit with women who bore me at “Wives’ Night.”

I would rather swim naked with bioluminescence, have it fall like fireflies from my hair, my breasts, my back.

I would rather do handstands naked in the moonlight when no one’s watching than pick bridesmaid dresses.

I would rather drink seven year old rum from a sandy bottle, smell of smoke and ash than sit in church.

I would rather learn from life than rack up debt, in a desk.

I would rather drink the ocean, again and again—celebrate being madly alive.

I would rather my love be defined by love itself, and nothing more or less.

I don’t need a ring on my finger to prove that I am in love.

I would rather take the chicken bus, than spend useless money in safe gated communities. Sit beside a goat, listen to raggaeton and eat green mango with sugar in a plastic bag sold from the woman who harasses the bus each time it stops.

I do not need a degree to prove that I am intelligent.

I do not need to own a piece of earth with some wood on top of it—to feel successful. No one truly owns the land, anyway—we just think we do.

My savings account has diddly to do with my richness.

I would rather sprawl my single ass out like a lioness each morning and enjoy each corner of my empty bed.

I will take a job I love and freedom over a pension, any day.

I will not work and work and work to live when my body is old and I am tired.

Stocks are for people who get boners from money.

Not everyone should have kids, and my eggs aren’t expiring.

I will not drink the societal Kool-Aid on a bus, nor will I drink it on a train.

Not on a plane, with a goat, in the rain, in the dark, in a tree, with a fox, in a box!

I will not jump through societies’ hoops and red tape, the treasure hunt in the rat race we chase.

If we must have milestones—mine will be measured by how much joy I have collected at the end of each day and how often in this life I have truly, deeply, opened.

Seek, see, love, do.

Janne is a poet, feminist, motivational speaker, author (her book is coming out next month!), surfer, free spirit and wild woman, notoriously stating that she "shares slabs of her heart for a living". 

I'm in awe of her fearlessness, raw power and vulnerability. She proves that you don't have to conform to societal pressures, that you can carve out a rich life according to your own rules, and that women are unstoppable.

In 2014, she published a poem called This Is For The Women Who Don't Give A Fuck, and it went viral, reaching over 1.8 million people. She made a spoken word poetry video (below) and created a line of products featuring her famous poem. 

Whenever I feel timid or scared, I read her words to empower me. 

They always do. 

To learn more about Janne, take a look at her

↠ Website

↠ Instagram

↠ Thought Catalog

Be brave, my fellow warriors! 

Have an incredible week. 

xo Miriam

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Can we become one of the successful ones?

I used to think that there are two kinds of people in the world: The successful ones, and the rest of us. I was clearly in the second category, because I was way too ordinary to be anybody special. My parents were ordinary, middle-class people, and I knew that I was destined to be the same: Working a job I didn't much like, paying bills, and being vaguely dissatisfied with my life, just like everybody else around me. 
I would look at doctors, journalists, or "business people" with awe. What would it feel like to be so confident and successful? I would never know. I was sure that they were born destined to greatness, and I envied them. Sometimes I wished that I would have been one of the lucky ones, but alas, I wasn't. I was insecure, of mediocre wit and intelligence, and I would always be one of the small, insignificant people. That's how I was made.

Or so I thought.

Over the last few years, I have slowly learnt how absolutely, ridiculously wrong I was. There aren't two different kinds of people - we are all way more alike than I ever knew! 
What makes some people much more successful than others are just a few key techniques - and the good news is, we can learn them. 

1. Know what you want. 
Sounds simple, doesn't it? Obviously, we all want to be rich, skinny and famous - or do we?
This seemingly simple task is actually one of the most difficult questions you will ever ask yourself. Because the astonishing truth is: Many of us don't know ourselves very well.  
The reasons for that are many: It may be that the people in your vicinity are different from you, wanting different things. Just because they are happy with 2. 5 kids, a white picket fence and a 9-5 Monday-Friday, doesn't know you will be, too. It's tempting to copy the people around you in order to fit in, but if you're not true to yourself, you won't be happy. 

Discovering your true self requires a lot of soul searching, hanging out with your own thoughts, and bravery. Yes, bravery; it's not easy when you discover that what makes you happy doesn't fit into other people's expectation of you. In the beginning, you may feel like an outsider, like the odd one out. 

But trust me, that feeling goes away! Not only will you discover more people like yourself on your journey, but you will find that the more you follow your calling, the more confident you get. Besides, you will be busy working towards your success, and busy people don't have time to sit and think about their fears. 

2. Take it one step at a time. 
You don't have to have it all figured out. Repeat after me: You don't have to have it all figured out.
None of the big, successful people has, either. I will never forget when I first started to realize that all of us are scared of something; that even the seemingly confident, unshakeable power players were winging it sometimes, shaking on the inside. I couldn't believe it. My first reaction was outrage: Why had nobody ever told me?? Why did everybody pretend that they were so much stronger and better than they were?
But then it dawned on me: We were all doing it. I hid my depression so well, I didn't even admit to myself that I had it. I acted happy and confident on the outside, even if I didn't feel it on the inside. 

I began to read every book and watched as many biographies as I could about successful people, to find out their secret. How did they get to be successful? How did they do it? And they all, without exception, had one thing in common: They simply started.  
They didn't know exactly how to do it. But they took that first step, and figured it out along the way. 
And while they did, they failed many, many times. 

3. Don't be afraid of failure. 
If you want to instantly feel better about the last time you screwed up, read this article: 29 famous people who failed before they succeeded. 

Some very big names are in that article: Oprah, Steven Spielberg, Sir Isaac Newton, Lady Gaga. 

The thing is: If you learn something new, if you develop a skill, you will fail. It's a given. It's part of the process.  

Fearing failure is the completely wrong approach. We should embrace it! Failing means trying, and if we fail often enough, we will get better. 

4. Visualize and manifest. 
One of my biggest dreams when I was a young girl was to live in Canada one day. I had no relatives or friends living in Canada, didn't speak the language well, and had no idea how I would ever get there.
All I knew is that I wanted to live there. 
For the past 14 years, I have. 

Another dream was to live amongst cowboys, in nature, in a place where the sun shines daily and where it rains little; a place where we can overlook all our animals from the porch.
I didn't know where that place was, or how we would get there. 
All I knew is that I wanted to find it. 
Last year, we did. 

Visualization is a powerful tool. You may think it's kooky or new-agey, and I get it; that's exactly what I used to think. But the more I learn about it, the more I see that it works.   
A friend of mine wrote a detailed list of everything she wants in her life. She went into specifics: What the house she wants to live in looks like; where it's located; how she earns her money; where her kids will play. She wrote down exactly how she will spend her free time (stand-up paddle boarding, swimming, hiking). She looks at that list every single morning, and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that she will manifest her dream in the future.

The reason why I believe that it works is not only because I have experienced it myself; it's because it makes sense. The more we work on specific goals, the likelier it is that we will achieve them. The combination of hard work, faith, and putting positive energy out into the universe is a powerful one!

5. Practice gratitude. 

Having a grateful heart has little to do with how much you have. If you can't appreciate the good things in your life now, you won't appreciate them when you get what you want. Gratitude is a mindset, not the result of getting everything you desire.
I believe that the more appreciative you are, the more you will be given; people (and the universe) like grateful people.

What do you think? Do you believe in manifesting your dream life, or do you think it's a bunch of nonsense?

xoxo Miriam

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