Farm Girl

Farm Girl

Figuring out life, one blog post at a time.

Sunday, 28 August 2016

Embrace uncertainty


Uncertainty is difficult. It feels like being constantly in fight-or-flight-mode, and oh my gosh, is it ever exhausting. What I'm learning right now is that in order to not go completely nuts, you have to embrace it. 

In every life there will be times where we are thrown into a situation where the outcome is uncertain. And we can't do anything about it. That's the hard pill to swallow here - that it's out of our hands. Sure, we can work towards our desired outcome by working hard, thinking positive thoughts, and doing everything in our power. Yet, whether it happens in the end or not is not always up to us. 

I'm learning to embrace that. 
(Well, it was either that or crumble in a big heap on the floor and cry. I'm choosing option A.)
These days, more than ever, I try to appreciate the moment. 
The warm breeze that carries the first hint of fall with it.
New booties in the colour "mouse house" (how fun is that name?).
A kind word from one of my patients, who told me that "I admire people like you for doing the job you do" (which is mammography right now).    


I don't know what will happen. I have no idea if we will still be here by Christmas, and if not, where we will be. I also don't know if I will have a job or not. Sometimes, all these thoughts freak me out so much that I can barely breathe. 

But then I remember that I'm not alone. I have my best friend right by my side through it all. It will happen if it's supposed to happen. And in the meantime, I'm grateful for all the special little moments that make up every day, and that life is anything but boring these days. 


Dress: sold out (similar)
Belt: old (similar)
Booties: Old Navy


Happy Sunday!







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Thursday, 25 August 2016

And then the lights went out


Guys, this week has completely gotten away from me, and nothing has worked out as planned. Part 4 of my property hunting tales was supposed to go up last Tuesday, and it never happened. I'm sorry! Two things caused the delay: disappointment and alcohol.

The anticipated happy ending never happened (more on that soon, for realz). I consequently got very drunk on Tuesday, calling random people bemoaning the hell that house selling and buying is. Or the lack thereof, since we still haven't sold ours yet, and are still looking for our new, I don't-care-anymore-if-it's-perfect-just-give-me-something place. 

But let's not talk about that.
Let's talk about how we got stranded yesterday, shall we?

Yesterday was supposed to be a light day on the house hunting front: Only one place, in a town only two hours away. Easy-peasy. We thought we would nip up there, spend an hour or so, and nip back, in time for dinner.

Oh, the best laid plans ... 

We took off at 2pm, me in a breezy little sundress (I didn't even bring a jacket, so sure was I that it wouldn't take long), Rich in his standard summer outfit: jeans, cowboy boots and a Hawaiian shirt. That boy knows what he likes, and what he likes are plaid shirts for three seasons of the year and Hawaiian shirts for the fourth. You gotta admire his dedication.

We arrived shortly past 4pm, right on schedule. We looked, we wandered, we asked questions. By now we have the routine down, and that part of the afternoon went smoothly. Then there was pink lemonade, a nice and welcome surprise. We sat down and chatted, and before you know it, it was 6pm. Time to head home, isn't it?
Not yet.

We learnt about another place, a log home (two words I find irresistible), "on our way home". Don't we want to stop by for a minute and take a look? Of course we do. We got the address, and off we went. It was now 6:15pm.

Ms. Moneypenny, as I call my usually trusty google maps app, failed us. She mislead us several times, causing us to arrive at the log home after 7:30pm. We spent half an hour looking, wandering, asking questions.

Now it was really time to hit the road, since it was starting to get dark. Since when is it getting dark shortly after 8? Oh yeah, it's almost September. Time, you flighty mistress.

We hopped in the truck, waved goodbye, and drove off. After about 10 minutes on the road, Rich turned on the headlights.

At least, he attempted to. He turned the switch - nothing. No lights inside, none outside. We stopped the truck and I jumped out, checking if the lights in the back worked - nope.
Shit.

There we were, with rapidly fading daylight, in a black truck that had no lights in the back and only the running lights in the front.

We were stuck in between two towns, with no hotels, rest spots or motels on the way. So we did the only thing we could think off: Put on the hazard lights, and make it as fast as we could into the next town.
The drive was nerve-wrecking, but we made it. We pulled into the first motel parking lot we could find, and turned off the engine with two huge sighs of relief. Then we had some dinner, and at 9:45pm we fell into bed exhausted, face unwashed and teeth unbrushed (I had no toiletries with me).

This morning I got up at 5:30am for a shower, and at the first light (which is 6am these days, in case you are not acquainted with such an early hour) we made the one-hour journey home. I ran into the house, brushed my teeth, got changed, and made it on time for my 7:45am-shift. What a day!

Our summer has been anything but boring this year.

Did you ever get stranded on the road? Do tell!






Image found on Pixabay, an awesome source for free (!) stock photos!


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Sunday, 21 August 2016

Trust the process


Do you trust yourself?

It's not a question we ask ourselves on a regular basis. At least I don't. I should, though. It involves many different aspects: Trusting our inner voice, our gut instinct, our common sense, our knowledge, our bodies. 
I was challenged the other day to trust my body. 

The above pose is one that has always scared the shit out of me. The first problem is that it makes you believe that you may fall over at any moment;  the other problem is that once you are against the wall, you literally feel glued to it. How to get away? What you have to do is take a leap of faith, trusting in the strength of your arms, because you will have to lift one up and start moving yourself away from the wall. 
This little act of strength - lifting one hand a few centimetres off the floor - is much more an act of courage than strength. 

I was challenged to do this exercise the other day. Not having done it for months, I was nervous. Still, I am forever on a path to face my fears, not run away from them, so I went for it. 
On the first try, I stayed plenty away from the wall, giving myself an easier exit route. Huh, that wasn't that bad. 
Feeling more confident, I moved a little bit closer. 
Then closer still. 

Until my entire body was pressed against the warm wall, which had been soaking up the sun all afternoon. It felt like a big, comforting hug. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth against the front of my body, and the sun kissing my back. A gentle breeze was ruffling my hair. 
My entire being was flooded with a sense of peace and euphoria.
And I had a sudden epiphany: Live in the moment.  

Trust the process. What is supposed to happen, will happen. 

For the last month I have been living focused on the future. Fretting, planning, being anxious about it, waking up in the middle of the night obsessing about it. 

Those precious seconds on the wall reminded me of the importance to live in the moment. Soak in what is happening right now.  

There is only so much we have control over. We can work towards our goals, get the process rolling, connect with the right people, enlist all the help we can. But then we have to accept that the outcome is not in our hands.
We have to trust that it will happen if it's supposed to. And if not, then there is a reason for it. We may not know the reason yet, but in time, we will. 
In the meantime, we should enjoy the journey.

Enjoy our belly pressed against a sun-warmed wall, feeling free and strong. 
Enjoy being able to spontaneously go to a friend's house for fried chicken and laughs. 
Enjoy the uncertainty. 
"Are you crazy?" I hear you say. "I want to know what's going to happen. How else can I plan for it??"
Well, that's the thing, isn't it. You can't plan for everything. And isn't it more exciting this way?

With all the uncertainty we are facing, we have never felt more alive. It's exhilarating! I want life to be a daring adventure, and enjoy every uncertain, terrifying moment of it. 

One handstand at a time. 

Thank you, yoga, for the reminder. 





P.S. Sorry for leaving you hanging with our property hunt. (Or am I? Hehe.) The next update will appear on Tuesday!


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