You are prepared for many things when you marry a man 25 years your senior:
The many variations of the gold-digger/cradle robber jokes.
Obsessively doing the math in your head: "When I'm 25 he is 50; when I'm 35 he is 60; when I'm 50 he is 75..." - for the rest of your life.
You wonder if you will ever celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary (50/75 years old)? Yup, there's a good chance.
What about your 50th wedding anniversary (75/100 years old)? Not impossible, but unlikely.
You wonder about illness, dementia, Alzheimer's.
You talk regularly about retirement options when most people your age can't even fathom the idea of a pension.
You don't flinch when your other half gets a senior's discount at certain restaurants.
But one thing you are utterly unprepared for is this: Your husband's friends getting sick and dying.
In the course of ten days, we have received three phone calls that all started with the ominous words: "I have to tell you something..."
The first call: Richard's cousin: dead at the age of 66, from pancreatic cancer.
The second call: Richard's old friend from Germany: a stroke at the age of 59, currently in the ICU.
The third call: Richard's best friend in Germany: a stroke at the age of 68, currently in the ICU.
Are bad things really coming in threes? It sure seems like it. And it was a shock to my poor husband's system. You see, the thing is that we stop aging in our mind. Most people have a 'real' age and a 'feel' age - as in, Rich may be 60 years old, but he feels like he is 40 (if that). He occasionally mentions to me how bizarre being 60 is to him; it sounds too old, and nothing like him.
While we are all vaguely aware about our lives having an expiration date, we rarely think about it when we are young. Which is a good thing, because obsessing about it will ruin your day.
But once your friends start dropping like flies, you are forced to confront your own mortality. And that recent triple-whammy has driven home the point: Life is damn short.
I wish I had any profound life lessons to offer to you, but I don't. The usual clichés flitted through my mind: "Life is short" (duh), "Follow your dreams", "Don't sweat the small stuff", etc. And while I wholeheartedly believe in all of these phrases, they didn't seem enough today. Too vague, too cookie-cutter, with no real meaning attached to them.
So I did this: Reminded myself of some facts I find important for my own life:
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. We are born to make them. Stroke #2 (from above) was so afraid to choose the wrong woman and get hurt, he stayed single for the last 30+ years, living alone. He never got married, never had children, hasn't travelled in years.
Don't.be.afraid.
Fall in love wildly and frequently. Try out new things, find your passions. I fell in love with blogging two years ago, and we are still going strong; my latest love affair is yoga, which is shaping up to be a life-long lover as well. Find out what makes you excited to leap out of bed in the morning, what makes you grin from ear to ear, what makes you feel like super woman!
Stop worrying about numbers already. Likes, followers, the scale, age - stop caring about the frigging numbers! They don't reflect your worth or your value. Judge your life by different values: how you feel, how you make others feel, genuine connections, energy, love.
Forget perfection. Do what gives you joy, even if you do it badly.
Spend more time with the people that matter the most to you. Hang out with those dearest to you, and let them know what they mean to you.
Eat the damn cake. Because, cake.
Be kind. Never forget that.
This list is hopelessly incomplete, but it's a start.
So go out kids, have fun, no regrets, experience as much as you can. Stop caring what other people might think about you, do what makes you laugh out loud, makes your heart swell with joy and your sweet self so excited you can't contain yourself.
What is on your life list?