6 Years of Blogging

Earlier this month this blog turned 6 years old. Happy Birthday dear blog! When I sat down on a rainy afternoon on March 15, 2013 to write my first blog post I would not have believed that 6 years later I would still be doing it. 

Life is what you make of it, and blogging is the same. Many of the OG bloggers that were around when I started have abandoned their blogs in favour of Instagram, have turned into influencers, or have given up altogether. It seems that there aren't very many bloggers like me left anymore: the small ones who still write just for the fun of it, without being Internet-famous.

Saying goodbye to being a horse woman

We have different personas living inside of us. 

There is the person we want to be: confident, unafraid, strong, independent. 

There is the little kid, afraid of the world and wanting to be loved. 

There is the mess we perceive ourselves to be: the flawed human being we are desperate to change and improve. 

I believe that reconciling all these personas into one and becoming the person we truly are and always have been is the defining step of finding peace within ourselves. It's how we become authentic.

Lyme Disease Update

It's been 8 months since my last update about Rich's Lyme disease, and for the majority of that time everything has been really good!
In case you are new around here, let me give you a quick overview: my husband got very sick in the fall of 2017. He had intense joint paint, night sweats, chills, brain fog, insomnia, lost a ton of weight in a short amount of time, and deteriorated very quickly. After the worst 4 months of both our lives where no doctor could figure out what was wrong with him he finally got the diagnosis of Lyme disease.

Celebrate everyday

There is an old man who walks by my house in Princeton three times a day. He has a tiny white dog, old and slow, and he walks that dog all over the neighbourhood. I see them every day when I'm here, and I often wonder about his life. 

Does he have a wife or is he widowed? Does he ever go away or is he at home 365 days of the year? Is he happy? What will he do when his dog dies? I hope he will get a new one. 

I picture him at home, making coffee in the morning while talking to his dog, telling him how he slept last night and that he has to refill his prescription today, and that there is warmer weather in the forecast. When he makes lunch he gives his little friend some scraps, and after their lunch walk they have a nap together on the couch. He eats a pastry with his afternoon coffee every day and then they watch TV together. Once a week he plays cards with his buddies. 

It's a small life, I imagine, but a good one. He is content. 

When your brain threatens your marriage

Last month I was convinced that my marriage was in serious danger.
I spent all night crying, having terribly dark thoughts about separation, having to start over, and losing my best friend.
I was so worried that I actually contacted a counsellor to make an appointment for marriage counselling.

Had one of us cheated on the other?
Had we fallen out of love?
Had something bad happened?

No, nothing like that.