Wednesday, 18 October 2017

A confession



Hi there! Remember me? It's been a hot minute since I've been here. I've been wanting to write every day, craving it, needing it, but then ... something happened. 

::dramatic pause::

I got lazy. BAM! Yup, that's it. Nothing bad happened. 

I've fallen into a terrible rabbit hole, and I've been desperately trying to crawl out of it. Every morning I'd wake up with the best intentions, promising myself that as soon as I was done with work, I'd go home, write, do yoga, and cook something healthy. 

And every day after work I plopped myself down in front of the TV, poured myself a big glass of wine, and fell into a Netflix stupor. 

Guys, it's been bad. And embarrassing. I really debated if I should share this on here, because I'm ashamed. I was on such a great path last year! And the year before!
Doing yoga every day, getting stronger, feeling in the best shape of my life mentally and physically. But I've fallen completely off the wagon. And once you're off it, gosh damn it is it ever hard to climb back on!
Instead of doing the things I love, I've become one of those lazy couch potatoes. And honestly, I barely recognize myself. I never thought I would end up here again, in a carb-filled, wine-soaked lazy-land. I was there before, and didn't care for it. And yet, here I am, like in a bad dream. 

The thing is, writing and yoga make you examine yourself closely. A little bit too close for comfort, apparently. And after reliving the last 17 years of my life for the book, I guess I needed a time out. No more looking at all my flaws, mistakes and quirks. No more feeling all.the.feelings all the time. I wanted to pause my brain, and I did it via the oldest trick in the book: good ol' booze and Television.

I've been trying to unpause my brain and rejoin my life for a few days, but you know how it is; once you've started a bad habit, it's really hard to break it. 

But then, today, I got three signs. You all know how I believe in the power of signs, don't you? I have asked for-and received them- all my life, and today was another powerful reminder of how magical the universe is. 

Old photo - but new ones are in the making once again!



Sign #1: Handsome cop
My first patient of the day was a pleasant surprise: Not only was he easy on the eyes and smelled good (which, in my line of work, is a rarity some days), he was also funny and interesting to talk to. He mentioned that he practices yoga regularly, and seeing him being completely comfortable in his body, and also being quite fit, made me suddenly yearn deeply for that feeling. I used to be like that just a few months ago - and I want it back. After work today I got on my mat for some stretches, and I swear to you - my muscles were singing with joy 🙏

A couple of hours after my new resolution to revive my flagging practice, I read this blog post from Suzy, a fellow yogi, author, and - former (!) wine lover. The timing was eerie, but absolutely amazing - while I'm not planning on quitting wine completely, I'm hopping off the booze train for a while in exchange for more mat-time.
Knowing that I'm not the only one embarking on a new adventure makes me feel so much stronger!

Sign #3: My friend's email
A former co-worker sent me an email after my latest newsletter (the one where I say we are doing amazing! no matter what the mean voice in our heads is trying to tell us). I LOVE it when I get personal emails from readers, and when I know them IRL, it's even more special. 
Somehow, writing about out uncomfortable truths is easier than talking about them, and I love nothing more than hearing someone say: "You made me feel better."
That's why I never want to stop blogging and writing. 

Thanks for listening, my friends. 
You are real gems. 

Group hug!
xoxo Miriam



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8 comments

  1. It is totally okay to give yourself a break from the norm! You will get back into the swing of things. Give yourself a little grace and hop back on that mat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I will!
      I get so caught up in the tangle of confusing thoughts that dominate my brain, I completely lose sight of what's normal.
      That's why I blog - I need people like you to set me straight!
      Thanks for that 😚❤

      Delete
  2. I think it's good to fall off the wagon every so often. Who wants to be friends with the perfect person who never indulged in a little Netflix and junk food phase? Not I! Good luck as you hop back on the mat and write more as you feel like it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously, you always know just what to say. Thanks Amy. I'm so glad you're a mama, you're THE BEST at boosting your friend's and family's confidence! Your kids are very lucky to have you as a mom ❤

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  3. I just noticed that you mentioned me here, Miriam! That's so sweet of you, thank you. I think it always helps to write it down once you've a decision like this - especially on the blog so others can read it and offer support. It also makes it harder to slip back into old habits when you know that the world knows - I mean, the thought of being caught out is enough to keep on the straight and narrow!!
    Best of luck - not that you need it, I have a feeling you're going to be back to your strong self in no time!
    Hugs
    Suzy xx
    www.suzyturner.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Suzy! It really helps to know that other people (like you and my friend) are walking on the same path. Makes it easier to say no when the 5'o clock temptation hour comes around!

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  4. I took a few days off last week. I was getting a cold, I had zero energy and had no motivation to do anything but sleep. All I did was come home and watch netflix, go to dinner, come home, watch more netflix, sleep, work, repeat.
    We all go through these lulls. The good part is that you recognize it and do something about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The rest was awesome, I'm full of energy again!
      I hope you feel better and energized again, too!?! 😙

      Delete

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