Wednesday 25 March 2020

Don't panic (day 17*)

*This is the 3rd installment of my covidiaries, a daily diary during this unprecedented crazy time.

Don't panic, I tell myself as I come to work and hear that the nurse I worked with yesterday is off sick today. She didn't feel great yesterday ("it's just the flue" she said - but how does she know?), and she got worse. Did I stay away 6 feet from her at all times? I worry, mentally retracing my steps. I *think* so. And she wore a mask. But there was one moment when I stepped next to her to reach for something on the desk - I was closer then 6 feet then. But she didn't cough. And I had my side/back turned towards her ...

STOP IT, I admonish myself sternly. This isn't helping anyone.

Neither is waking up in the middle of the night because I had yet another naked dream. I've been having dreams where I'm the only one at work who's naked on and off for years, usually during a time when I'm stressed or worried. A quick Google-search tells me that it could symbolize that I feel unprepared for a project at work. No shit, Sherlock.

I also have a recurring dream of losing teeth. Another search reveals that this might point to a feeling of powerlessness and loss of control. You're right on the money, Google. Last night's dream had me lose 2 top teeth just off to the right. I knew in my dream that all the dentist offices were closed and was really worried about not being able to get it fixed. What a relief to wake up and find that my teeth are still firmly attached! 

However, the relief doesn't last long. Once I'm awake I can't go back to sleep. Too many things to think about, for example: in case I have to go into quarantine, could Lily transmit the virus to Rich? There's no doubt that my little shadow will be my quarantine buddy.

Me and my girl are tight.

But she will still have to go outside to stretch her tiny legs and do her business, and what if the germs on her get Rich infected? Fun things to ponder at 3am in the morning.
When I tell Rich about my dilemma he reassures me that he would have no problem not touching her for a fortnight - or even longer. He's a stronger person (or more heartless, you decide) than I am. 

Work is still unusually quiet. People seem to finally have gotten the memo about staying at home and are not coming to the hospital. Progress!
Yesterday we counted all our PPE (=personal protective equipment): all gloves, masks, N95s, gowns, and goggles. We are already short, reusing disposable masks for an entire shift instead of throwing it away after one-time-use and having a shortage of isolation gowns. More are on the way - hopefully.

Looking at Italy, Spain, and parts of the US make me worry about how things will be here next week, or next month ...
Don't panic, I remind myself again.
Take a deep breath. Listen to the birds' happy chirping. Enjoy the blue sky.
This too shall pass.

2nd entry
1st entry



  1. We will get through this. We will be okay. Darkness never prevails.


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