Thursday, 15 November 2018

Little joys

I walked Lily through town yesterday, admiring the Christmas decorations that are popping up everywhere now. Even though I'm not the biggest Christmas fan, I love the sparkly lights, Christmas trees, and all the decorations.
Suddenly, a deer appeared. In the middle of town. It slowly and majestically crossed the road - right at the crosswalk! It was followed by another deer, and another, and another - seven deer in total. Cars had to stop and wait for the deer to cross the road on the crosswalk, and people pointed and laughed. I laughed out loud too when I saw it - it was just too funny! When the last one had safely crossed the road the cars continued on their merry ways, but I watched the deer leisurely sauntering away until the last white tail had disappeared. 

It gave me such a burst of happiness. It seemed like a small miracle, and I was there to witness it. The world was a wondrous and beautiful place in that moment.  

So was my little cabin two nights ago. Rich and I went into the woods last weekend to get two trees, and I decorated the one for my She Shed on Tuesday. 
t increased the coziness factor by at least 100! The cats love it too. So far they haven't tried to climb in the tree yet, they are content to play with the (thankfully unbreakable) baubles. 
I've given myself permission to lie in bed after work and watch TV or read for hours if I want to. And right now, I want to. I'm refusing to feel guilty about being lazy, or bad about not meeting goals I've set myself. I'm allowing myself to take it easy, to set fewer goals every day, to call it a win when I got my veggies in for the day and took the Lily for a short walk. 
When she snuggles her little bum into my side and falls asleep next to me, a deep sense of peace washes over me. I sip my hot tea and eat a cookie and dive into another world, and I feel like I did as a kid: safe and cozy and protected. 
My last post was heavy, and I don't want anyone to worry about me. I explained the reasons why I write about my depression on my private Facebook, and I want to share it with you, too:

"Dear friends,
I don't share my experience with depression so you feel bad for me. I share it so you see that happy, joyful and upbeat people also have mental illness. I share it so you remember that everybody has a struggle we don't see. And I share it to tell all my other fellow depression warriors that it's okay to talk about it. We have a mental illness, but it doesn't define has. We can also have joyous, full and beautiful lives!"

I'm good. I find little joys every day. This season isn't easy for many of us, but I'm okay. Please don't worry. I've lived with this for close to 25 years. It's not worse now than it was before (in fact, I've had worse times - better ones, too), I'm just more open in talking about it. 

Be gentle with yourself. Don't expect too much. My friends with chronic illness have taught me to take it easy without apologizing for it. All of us deserve to take it easier. 
We don't have to do it all. 
We can do just a little bit, and it's okay. 

Here's to doing less and being nice to us and each other!

xoxo Miriam


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10 comments

  1. I love the tree in your shed! The deer story sounds amazing...how funny!

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    1. The town is overrun with deer, and I'm continually amazed how brazen and fearless they are. Mama deer are known to attach dogs and people when they get too close to their fawns! I'm deeply in awe of them.

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  2. Is that your picture of the deer? If so, great shot! I have a family of turkeys that cross my road sometimes. They are SO BIG! And funny to watch.

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    1. That's awesome! I love wild turkeys. We used to have a trio of turkeys who turned mean, which was their mistake - they're now in our freezer ;-)
      And no, I didn't take that picture! I wish I did. All the photos I use that are not mine are from www.pixabay.com, a photo-sharing website with thousands of awesome pics. You don't need to credit the owner of the photos, so there is no hassle with copyright.

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  3. I used to live in a rural area where deer roam freely, and always loved the feeling when a bunch of cars are stopped to let deer, especially a mama and fawn, walk across the road, and we all are enjoying the fact that we live in such a beautiful neighborhood. Then we flash our lights at oncoming traffic so they know to beware of the deer.

    I wanted to comment on your last post but didn’t know what to say, and you addressed it today. I guess what I want to say is thank you for sharing your thoughts, and hope today is one of the good days.

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    1. It is, and thank you so much! The good days far outnumber the bad ones. It's a cozy, slow weekend over here, I'm loving it!

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  4. Your shed! To die for!! Much love to you, sistah. xx

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    1. She's my favourite spot in the whole wide world!🏠🎄

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  5. I love that you're giving yourself permission to read,watch TV, and take breaks. I am sometimes disappointed in myself when I'm not meeting my goals (for exercise, eating, etc.) but I like your reminder to be gentle with yourself.

    Also, your little cabin is a delight! What fun to have a space of your own.

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    1. I've wanted one for ages, and it's even better than I thought it would be! I had my vision, but I also incorporated some ideas from my husband and our carpenter (something I hadn't planned on doing, I thought I wanted it to be 100% my ideas), and it turned out so much better because of it!

      I used to feel guilty for "not doing anything", but I realized that the only one pressuring me was myself. How silly is that? Now I relax and take me-time every single day, guilt-free, and it made all the difference in the world.
      We all deserve to be kind to ourselves! If we're not we won't have any kindness for others.

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