Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Saturday, 11 February 2017

I never thought I would ...


If I were to summarize this week with one word, that word would be: snow. We're drowning in that stuff. All the highways around our fair town were closed yesterday because of too much snow (mixed with ice-rain, yuck), our collective arms are aching from shovelling all day every day, and our toilet makes weird gurgling noises, because Rich thinks the frost got into the pipes.


Our friends came by a couple of days ago for coffee and home-baked muffins (yes, I baked!), and on the way out of our driveway they slid into the ditch next to the driveway. Despite four-wheel-drive! It took the combined effort of four people and an ATV with a winch to dig the baby out again.
It was a great team-building moment, and we all came out stronger because of it.

Not a day goes by where we don't tell each other how content we are. One of my favourite (and cheesy, beware!) marriage rituals is to ask Rich: "Are you happy?" And him responding: "I've never been happier." Insert #soblessed hashtag.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about where I am in life right now, and how surprising it is. My younger self couldn't have imagined half the things that are now a normal part of my life.

When I was younger, I never thought that ...
... many of my closest friends would be 20-30 years older than me.
... I would overcome my fear of needles, and be able to watch the lab technician draw my blood, cool as a cucumber. (I used to be a fainter when needles came too close to me.)
... I would move to Merritt. I distinctly remember driving through it about ten years ago, and commenting that "I could never live here". Ha, joke's on me! It's true what they say: never say never!
... I would stop worrying about my weight. Thanks, yoga.
... I would love winter. But I do. So does the corgi:


... buying a handheld vacuum cleaner would give me unspeakable joy. I love that thing.
... I would fall back in love with my job. Phew, what a relief!
... I would embrace farm life. Sometimes I'm still surprised by that one.



... I would still be insecure and clueless about stuff. Will it ever end?
... you really do need to work hard if you want to make your dreams come true. Hrumpf. Don't you just hate it when your parents are right?
... I would be child-free by choice. And how content it would make me.
... I would admit to having depression, talk about it openly, and take medication for it. And feel so much better because of it. 



... I would stop using anti-wrinkle eye cream. When I smile or laugh, my eyes crinkle, and that gave me major insecurities in my teens and 20s. I started using anti-wrinkle cream when I was 17 or 18 years old, and didn't stop until about three years ago. That's when I realized that no cream in the world will change the way my face is shaped, and that the laugh lines won't go away. Instead of fighting them, I have come to love them, because they tell the story of a happy life.
... I would learn to love myself.

Your turn! What did you think you would never do?


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4 comments

  1. Please tell me the secret to getting over having to have your blood drawn! I don't think I'll ever be able to watch them do it!

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    Replies
    1. My friend let me try to start an IV on him (he's either a very good friend, or likes to live dangerously - I'm not sure which), and that was the beginning of becoming okay with it for me. He does it as part of his job, and he explained the technicalities of it. Now I always think back to how he explained it to me, and that takes the scariness away. I also find that watching is much easier than not - when we don't look, our other senses become stronger, and I found I was focusing much more on the sensations than I do now.
      Maybe try to look the next time, and pretend it's someone else's arm!

      Delete
  2. It's a winter wonderland there!

    Great list. I asked Kevin for a Roomba or a handheld vacuum for Christmas and he came through big. I love my fancy vacuum. A sign that you're truly an adult, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I bet all that snow is beautiful!

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