Last Sunday was our 16th wedding anniversary. In the week leading up to it we were in a state of married bliss. Everything was pink cotton-candy skies, puppies and rainbows, so when I started thinking about what I wanted to write about our marriage and the love we share, it was tooth-achingly sweet and annoying. I was sure to mention how I had driven 600 km to pick up a tiny bird for him the week before, and was fully prepared to drag out a few classics like the time he'd followed me to Wales to win me back. *yawn*
Luckily, for the sake of this story, we had a big fight the day before our anniversary that carried over to the day of and lingered for several more days, so my romantic mood disappeared faster than you can say 'soulmate'.
Bad-tempered, I thought I would just ignore the blasted anniversary and move on to the next topic.
But then I started listening to Harry Potter for the 53rd time (Harry Potter is my happy place), and for the first time ever, Ron and Hermione's friendship reminded me of our relationship.
During my walks I kept finding more and more parallels between our relationships, and it cheered me up immensely.
So much, in fact, that I decided it was worth writing it down.
If you've never read the books then you won't know the full scope of Ron and Hermione's relationship. They end up together (opposites attract!), but throughout their years at Hogwarts they bicker a LOT. And I mean, an INSANE amount. There are several times throughout the books where they are so mad at each other that they don't speak for weeks. That level of dedication/stubbornness is not something I've ever been able to muster; even if I'm spitting mad, I cave after a few short hours and want us to make up again.
However, there are definite similarities between Ron+Hermione and Rich+me, and in honour of our 16th anniversary, I'm going to highlight them:
Hermione and I are both neat; Ron and Rich are not.
Hermione is as type A as it can get. She is an outstanding student who gets excellent grades, once achieving 320% in Muggle Studies. While my grades were never as good as hers, our work attitude and ambition are similar. I also have neat handwriting, like to be thorough at whatever I'm doing, and write everything down in my planner and notebooks (the equivalent to her homework planner).
In contrast, both Ron and Rich are messy. They have a much more laid-back attitude to work and life, share their terrible handwriting, and don't take school/work/life as seriously as Hermione and I do. Having such opposite approaches can create tension, which it does in both relationships. However, it also creates a much-needed balance for all parties involved. Hermione and I often worry too much, so having our much more easy-going counterparts is important to help us relax.
We disagree about pets.
Hermione and Ron have a huge fight about their pets in book 3. Hermione's cat Crookshanks hates Ron's rat Scabbers (for very good reason, as is revealed at the end of the book). However, until we get there, their friendship is in serious trouble about the issue of their pets.
Rich and I also disagree about pets. Mainly, about the number of them. To be more accurate, I have a finite number in mind for every species we own, whereas Richard is more of a free agent. He has a bucket list of every animal he ever wanted, and he's not afraid to collect them, convention be damned.
His philosophy is that life is short, and that he's never had more time than he has right now, so now's the time to make all his dreams come true.
While I admire his free spirit, my inner Hermione-ness makes me fight this side of him. I always want to make everything smaller; he wants to expand.
Hermione is all about obeying rules. She has broken them only on rare occasions when she thought it would serve the greater good (i.e. when she thought she could find out who was causing all the attacks on muggle-borns in the 2nd book), but her default is respecting and following rules. As much as I hate to admit it, long experience has shown me that I am a rule-follower as well. I feel best when I'm staying within the boundaries and under the radar.
But Ron/Rich don't operate that way. They follow their own instincts, and if they fall outside the rules, they're not bothered much. What would be a major stumbling block for me and Hermione, is just a minor inconvenience to them. If their own goals/priorities fall outside of what's considered appropriate, they simply disregard the norm.
Again, as much as I admire it, I have a problem with it. I continually struggle between wanting to be more free-spirited and wanting to reign him in.
They love sports; we love books.
Ron is crazy about Quidditch, and Rich can watch soccer for hours. Hermione and I don't much care for sports, preferring to spend our time reading. I know that some couples like to do everything together, but Rich and I have never been that way. I need solitude and personal space, and love nothing more than emerging myself in a new (or old) story and hanging out with my fictional friends.
Rich loves to be alone with his animals and his thoughts. He can spend hours outside, taking care of his animals, watching them, and simply enjoying them. It's a form of meditation for him, and nothing relaxes him more than spending time with them.
Rich is the person I can be most myself with, and vice versa. Nobody has ever understood me like he does, and he says the same about me. We are always in each other's corner, the biggest cheerleader and fan, and support each other in chasing all our big and small dreams.
After 18 years together, of course we bicker. Of course we get frustrated and mad and annoyed. It's normal.
But he's still my favourite person in the world, the only one I want to grow old (or in his case, older) with.
Happy (belated) anniversary babe. There's nobody else I'd rather get mad at for not cleaning up the puppies' pee properly.
Previous anniversary posts:
Top image: source
Second image: source
LOL.... great post, Miriam. And ain't it the truth!
ReplyDeleteCouples who say they never fight are either lying or their relationship is in serious trouble. It's not healthy!
Delete"Real" always embraces every part of the relationship.
DeleteOne of my favourite philosophies about "Real" is from the Velveteen Rabbit... When Rabbit asked the Skin Horse how to become real:
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
It's such a great quote with so much truth in it! ♥️
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