Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Standing still means going backwards



I don't talk much about my day job on the blog. There are several reasons for it, but the two main ones are: Confidentiality (I don't want to reveal something confidential by accident), and I think it's just not that interesting to talk about. 

Well, today the focus is on the job. Not just my job, but our day jobs in general. I'm fairly certain that most of us go to work every day because we have to, not because we want to. You know, the old grown-up drag, having mortgages and bills to pay and all that. Like most people, I had several jobs that were not that great (all in retail, in case you are curious), before I settled on x-ray technologist. 

I landed my current gig in January of 2012. It was my dream job: At a small hospital only a 10-minute drive away, with a rotation that I had wanted all my life: work 4 days, be 4 days off. The one downside that many people wouldn't like was that most of my shifts started at 4 pm and ended at midnight. I did need some adjusting to that (previously, I had always been an early riser/early to-bed-goer), but we humans are adjustable creatures, and after a while I grew to love it. Still do. So much, in fact, that I have become somewhat sluggish over the last 3.5 years. My job ambitions had dialled down to zero. I was happy were I was at, and isn't that a desirable place to be?

And yet. 

Once in a while, on a slow shift at 10pm, I was asking myself what I was doing. Would that be it for the next 25 years? Was I going to do the same thing, day after day (4 at a time only, of course), until I retired? No new challenges, no new skills, for the rest of my career?
I always pushed those doubts away. "Everybody gets sick of their job sometimes", I told myself. "It's normal to feel that way", I tried to reassure myself. And there were the really good days, where I had fun with my co-workers, felt accepted by the doctors, part of the team in other departments, recognized half the people I encountered in the hallways. "This is nice", I thought. "This is why I work at a small site."
And it is. I love our hospital, and the small-community feeling. After all, I grew up in a tiny town, and it's in my bones. 

And yet. 

I justified my complacency by telling myself that my job gave me the freedom and time to chase my real dreams: Writing, blogging, finding and nurturing my creative side. Finding my purpose in life. Hanging with the dogs. 

But here is the thing: I have been severely slacking in that department. You are all familiar with the usual excuses: Being too tired, not having time, needing to "just relax". But there is also another reason I think plays a huge role: Being stagnant. A body at rest stays at rest, a body in motion stays in motion.

My brain and drive have been on sleep mode over the last couple of years. They are present enough to do the job they are required to do, but there has been no new stimulation happening. 

Until fate intervened. 

The universe is a funny thing, with a wicked sense of humour. Without going into too much detail, a series of unlikely events has unfolded over the last five months that makes it likely that I may lose my position next year.
First, I was devastated and feeling sorry for myself. "Why me?" I was ranting. "Why is this happening to me?"
Second, I was in denial. "It won't happen", I tried to encourage myself. "Something else will come up."
But then, acceptance arrived. And with it, its upbeat sister - possibilities.

Maybe this unlikely event was happening to wake me up from my stupor? I had never before been the kind of person who comes to a halt and doesn't go any further. But the convenience, familiarity and cushiness of my position made it too easy to stop moving. I became static, and I have stayed that way.

Until now.

Last weekend I worked with one of my fave girls. I don't see her nearly enough, because she works at a different hospital and only comes to us every once in a while. We were happily chatting away when she mentioned that she had signed up for a CT course.

This CT course has been haunting me for years. It's the logical next step in my career, but I have been stalling. Because I was so comfortable where I was. I didn't want to give up my perfect job (still don't want to). But since there is a good chance that I will be forced to, I have to rethink my game plan.

When she told me that the dead line for signing up was only two days away, I couldn't help but wonder if this was a sign. The universe's way of giving me a kick in the butt, to wake me up from my daze.

The long and short of it is, I signed up. Knowledge is power, and there is no harm in educating myself further. Get those rusty brain cells moving again!
I once heard that if you want to get something done, ask a busy person to do it. Well, guess what - I'm going to be busy again. Because I have things I want to get done, and in my past state of blah-ness nothing was happening.    

When it comes to our jobs, I'm guessing that very few of us have their dream career. It's so dang hard to figure out what you really want, and once that's happened, to figure out a way to make money of it. But having a job you enjoy (most days) and satisfying hobbies that give you pleasure is a great compromise. And who knows? Maybe the hobby can turn into a side gig sometime down the road.
The world is full of possibilities, and the harder you work, the luckier you get.

Here is to a new season of hard work and possibilities!

Do you have any new projects planned? Any changes coming up? Please share! 




  


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