Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Thursday, 27 October 2016

The end of an era


A shift happened yesterday. It started several weeks ago, slowly, and yesterday it culminated in a distinct moment of clarity. The knowledge that everything is happening the way it's supposed to. After so many conflicting feelings over the last three months, this newfound peace and trust into the future is magnificent.

I have been packing, going through the house and all our stuff, and it has thrust me back into the past big time. Finding my old, tattered German-English dictionary reminded me of the beginning, when I barely understood English and was too shy and insecure to say a word. I took that dictionary everywhere with me (and that sucker is heavy!), because it made me feel better knowing that I had all the words I might ever need at my fingertips. Those were the days before we had the Internet with us at all times, and the dictionary was my good luck-charm, my ticket to this new world and the people in it.

This old friend is coming with me, for old times' sake.

I'm also finding little bits and pieces of Miriam and Richard: The early years. Our age difference barely registers most of the time, because Rich is looking a lot younger than his 62 years (it's not just my love-struck opinion: people tell him that all the time). But in the very beginning, I was a baby who looked even younger than my 23 years, and Rich looked older than he does now. What an odd-looking couple we were! But love trumps everything <3

Where's the pretty filter when you need one (insert hands over eyes monkey-emoji)
Found this birthday card from 2003 :-)

Our home is filled with memories from the time when the kids lived with us: Drawings, home-made cards, photos, games. 

 The bottom picture is Pickles the pony. Lea loved that pony, and drew her hundreds of times over the years

I thought that packing up the house we have lived in together for over 13 years would be bitter-sweet. Surprisingly though, it's fine. I'm feeling nostalgic and thankful for the time we have spent here, but not wistful. Because you know what? I'm so damned excited for the next chapter!
Going through our things makes me remember our dreams and plans, and what we've always talked about: Wanting to move to cowboy-country, to live our own version of the first settlers coming to the Wild West. And now it's actually happening! I'm so incredibly grateful that we have made it to this point, and are about to realize our dream. 

You know what else I'm grateful for? That my writer's block seems to have unblocked itself. I have found it agonizingly difficult to blog lately, sitting down in front of the computer, unable to come up with anything to say. This morning is the first time in a while that the words come easily again, and what a sweet relief that is! 

Now you have to excuse me, I have a million more boxes to pack.

 

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6 comments

  1. Good luck on the move! When I moved from my house a few years ago into an apartment it was a really bittersweet time for me. And yes I found boxes of memories. Cards, letters, and pictures. I'm glad you founds your words again. I'm working on finding mine too.

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    1. You have, big time! I just headed over and read your wonderful post about getting your creative spark back. Loved it!
      It's so tough when you're stuck, I hate when I have words inside me that I want to get out, but can't find a way. So glad that's over! Here's to leading creative lives and writing our hearts out!

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  2. Have a nice time taking a walk down memory lane :0)

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  3. I think that's how you know you're doing the right thing. You don't feel sad about the move, or question yourself. You're excited about it. And that is really important.

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    1. Every time the fear-monster is threatening to come too close, I take a step back and think of my life goals. Living in a drier, warmer climate with a slower pace of life has always been on the top of the list. And just like that, the fear disappears and the excitement returns!

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