Farmyogi secrets revealed

Have you ever looked at some of the gorgeous feeds of beautiful, strong yoga poses and felt a hint of envy creep in? Everything about those photos is flawless and awe-inspiring. They look stunningly perfect and effortless - and they only tell half the story. 

While I can't tell you their secrets (they are not mine to tell - also, I don't know them), I can tell you mine.  

If you think yoga is all peace, happiness and bliss, think again. 

Let me introduce you to my (formerly) best kept secrets:

1. I yell during practice. 

I have the feeling that I'm doing yoga wrong, because it's supposed to be zen and peaceful. But this is what I'm dealing with: 

Butt in my face.

My giant dog Bear wants his butt scratched, and nudges it as close to me as he can. If you look carefully, you can see the Corgi coming towards me with a determined look on her face: she wants attention. 

The kids are always fighting.

My two youngest dogs are playing/fighting all the time. You know how it is with kids who are close in age. If they would do it away from my mat, I could maybe ignore it - but they are doing it right in front of me. 

Or right behind me.

2. My yoga mat is covered in feces.

Only on the side that's always down, I hasten to add. There's no reversing that bad boy for me. But yes, practising outside all the time amongst geese, chickens and dogs may look idyllic, but there's a price to pay: Poo on your mat. That's why I have a strict "inside/outside-mat" rule. 

But you know what? It's totally worth it.

Bliss

3. My clothes are covered in dog hair, ripped and dirty.

These are the shoes I wear around the farm, including to and from yoga practice. 

It is unavoidable: Being at eye level with the dogs is a signal to them that you want to play with them. They get overly excited and jump all over you.  

Or step all over you, as the case may be.

I'm covered in dog hair and dog.

4. My cellphone is always by my side

Usually I tuck it under the right corner to hide it from dogs and to not show it in photos. This time I forgot.

Ostensibly to check that day's pose, and to possibly look up a how-to on YouTube. Realistically, because I'm addicted and like to check social media during pigeon pose. Bad yogi.


5. I grunt, fart and make other weird noises.

These are the sort of pictures I usually don't post online. 

Yoga is hard work. Many may associate it with gentle stretches and blissful meditation, but it is actually a rigorous strength workout. When I try really hard, I make involuntary grunting noises. Maybe not quite as loud as these ladies, but it's definitely audible.
Same goes for farting: It seems to come with the practice. All that massaging of the colon animates my intestines to release gas. Since I'm usually outside and alone, I never suppress it. Let it all out baby!

These are just some of my secrets. What are yours?

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