Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Thursday, 14 April 2016

The day after the storm


Dear friends,
I wanted to check in with you today. Yesterday was completely overwhelming. I haven't cried so many tears since Eddie died in 2009. While I love all my dogs, some leave a special imprint on you. My great past dog loves were Eddie, the Leonberger (Snowy's best friend when she was a pup), and Snowy. So it was a tear-soaked, heartbreaking and painful day. 

But, my reason for checking in is a different one. First, I want to thank you all so very much for your kind words, sympathy, hugs (real and virtual), and general kindness. You might think that nothing can ease the pain of losing a loved one, but you are wrong. I could actually feel love surrounding me yesterday, and you all are a big part of it. So thank you, with all my heart!!

I also want to share an experience from yesterday that was a bright spot in a dark day.
As soon as my beautiful girl took her last breath, I knew that I wanted to bury her by myself. It was important to me to do this last act for her. 
It had rained during the night and was supposed to rain all day. 
When I started digging, it was still grey and glum, a suitable environment for such a somber task. Rich helped me to lower her into the ground, the dogs standing by, looking confused. 
We stood there for a moment, hugging each other tightly, telling each other and her how much she had meant to us. 

That's when the sun came out. Suddenly, everything was bathed in golden, soothing light. 
And I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I was still incredibly sad, but I also knew that everything would be alright. It felt like a message from my happy, life-loving dog, reminding me to remember all the fun and good times we have had.

And that's what I have been trying to do.  
I miss her terribly. But I'm also so incredibly thankful that I had so many wonderful years with her. That knowledge, and all the love and support around me makes the loss more bearable.

I have Rich and the other dogs, who have been nothing but wonderful. Lily even snuggled up in bed last night, something she doesn't do often, preferring to have some personal space. 

Thank you all once again. You are angels, and helped me a lot. 

It's gonna be okay. 

All my love, 

  




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