Do you trust yourself?
It's not a question we ask ourselves on a regular basis. At least I don't. I should, though. It involves many different aspects: Trusting our inner voice, our gut instinct, our common sense, our knowledge, our bodies.
I was challenged the other day to trust my body.
The above pose is one that has always scared the shit out of me. The first problem is that it makes you believe that you may fall over at any moment; the other problem is that once you are against the wall, you literally feel glued to it. How to get away? What you have to do is take a leap of faith, trusting in the strength of your arms, because you will have to lift one up and start moving yourself away from the wall.
This little act of strength - lifting one hand a few centimetres off the floor - is much more an act of courage than strength.
I was challenged to do this exercise the other day. Not having done it for months, I was nervous. Still, I am forever on a path to face my fears, not run away from them, so I went for it.
On the first try, I stayed plenty away from the wall, giving myself an easier exit route. Huh, that wasn't that bad.
Feeling more confident, I moved a little bit closer.
Then closer still.
Until my entire body was pressed against the warm wall, which had been soaking up the sun all afternoon. It felt like a big, comforting hug. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth against the front of my body, and the sun kissing my back. A gentle breeze was ruffling my hair.
My entire being was flooded with a sense of peace and euphoria.
And I had a sudden epiphany: Live in the moment.
Trust the process. What is supposed to happen, will happen.
For the last month I have been living focused on the future. Fretting, planning, being anxious about it, waking up in the middle of the night obsessing about it.
Those precious seconds on the wall reminded me of the importance to live in the moment. Soak in what is happening right now.
There is only so much we have control over. We can work towards our goals, get the process rolling, connect with the right people, enlist all the help we can. But then we have to accept that the outcome is not in our hands.
We have to trust that it will happen if it's supposed to. And if not, then there is a reason for it. We may not know the reason yet, but in time, we will.
In the meantime, we should enjoy the journey.
Enjoy our belly pressed against a sun-warmed wall, feeling free and strong.
Enjoy being able to spontaneously go to a friend's house for fried chicken and laughs.
Enjoy the uncertainty.
"Are you crazy?" I hear you say. "I want to know what's going to happen. How else can I plan for it??"
Well, that's the thing, isn't it. You can't plan for everything. And isn't it more exciting this way?
With all the uncertainty we are facing, we have never felt more alive. It's exhilarating! I want life to be a daring adventure, and enjoy every uncertain, terrifying moment of it.
One handstand at a time.
Thank you, yoga, for the reminder.
P.S. Sorry for leaving you hanging with our property hunt. (Or am I? Hehe.) The next update will appear on Tuesday!