Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Saturday, 23 May 2015

Identity crisis


Guys, I don't know who I am any more. Well, Farm Girl doesn't know. I have lost my voice, my purpose, my spark for this lovely little blog of mine. And it's breaking my heart a little. 
You know how women who want to become pregnant see babies and pregnant ladies everywhere? I see advice about "finding your purpose", "develop your brand", "have a vision and follow through" for blogs everywhere. And I have none of these things. Gah!!

For the longest time blogging was easy. I would wake up bursting with ideas and energy, barely able to contain my excitement. I learnt that I really liked photography, and could spend hours taking pictures, editing them, and posting them here. I loved to share bits and pieces of our farmlife. I still do, even though I have been doing less of it lately.

So what is the problem? I have been thinking it over for a while and came to several conclusions.

1. My blog is too structured.
This may be laughable for bloggers who adhere to schedules and timetables, write posts weeks in advance and have certain days for certain topics. I have given it a long, hard try, but it doesn't work for me. At the beginning of the year I announced this schedule:

I really tried to stick to it in the beginning. However, turns out that a schedule doesn't work well for me. The How to-series was the first feature to bite the dust; it only lasted a month.
Now, after a lot of thought, I have decided to let the link-up and my weekly fashion posts go as well.
Thank you all so very much for linking up over the last 5 months, you have no idea how much I appreciate it! 

But blogging has been less of a joy and more of a chore for me for a while, and I don't want to lose it, I love it too much. So I'm freeing myself of all self-imposed rules, and return to posting whenever the mood strikes.

2. I'm too focused on labels. 
I have been labelling myself, or trying to find labels, and it's stifling my creativity.
Labels have always been a problem for me: as much as I try to resist the temptation, I can't help but try to organize life into neat little boxes. Am I a writer? I want to be, I am writing most days, so per definition I should be one. But what if you are a bad one? What if it's so bloody hard some days that you curse and complain and procrastinate, and keep talking about fulfilling dreams, but not doing the actual tedious work?
What if you like photography, but you do nothing to further your skills? You are stuck, and you know it, but you don't do anything about it.
What if you try to find a niche for your blog, try to narrow your focus, but you get so wrapped up in this hopeless task that you stop posting altogether?
I wish I could have a more defined focus, but I don't. So until I do, I will keep doing what I have been doing before the schedule: Write about whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it.

3. I'm overthinking this.
No surprise here, I have been, once again, gotten stuck in my own head. I'm a fairly emotional person, and this has been weighing on me for a while, bringing me down - it's actually a huge relief to type all my thoughts out. I feel better already!

I may not have solved my identity crisis, but at least I have gotten rid of the stifling schedule. What does Kino always say:
"Don't orient towards the goal, orient towards the journey, you'll find your peace along the way."

Have a beautiful weekend my beautiful friends!


Share:

30 comments

  1. Christine Sullivan23 May 2015 at 22:00

    Maybe your depressive feelings are what's responsible for the lack of creativity and energy for extra curriculars? I think that's an identifying symptom! I hope you start to feel better.
    Enjoy your practise and maybe step back and just enjoy reading, express whatever needs expressing without worrying about organization. If you can. Or just go outside and play. Or visit me in Kelowna!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good luck getting back on track, I tried a posting schedule once before and like you it made me feel so stifled!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am right there with you. I have tried bein more focused in the past but it's not me. I am happiest just writing when the inspiration strikes. Sometimes it's a few times a week but lately it's once or twice a month. Just go with it. I think your best posts are the random ones :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I recently made myself self-employed so I need to be focused or other wise I will lose clients. Having said that I haven't been too focus on my own blog so I need to start a posting schedule or something to keep me going. xx

    http://www.annanuttall.com/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Do not make your blog about anything but the things you want it to be! Forget about structure! Forget about posting to a strict schedule if it doesn't feel right that week. Just do what you want to do. People who enjoy reading your blog for the right reasons will stick around.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Blogging schedules work for some people, but they have never worked for me. Blogging what I want when I want is always the best! I hope that helps you get your blogging love back!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Take back what's yours! I can't wait for your spontaneity! No matter what , I'm rooting you on :) You are always an inspiration!
    -Linds

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is YOUR place... do what feels right to YOU when it feels right to YOU. You'll feel at home again in no time. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks for the invite, maybe some time this summer 😎
    I have been reading tons lately, which I enjoy greatly. That and lots of yoga, of course ;-)
    Honestly, having giving up my schedule took a load of my shoulders, and I'm confident it will set my creativity free again. Thanks so much for your support!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yup, I had to throw it out. I feel so relieved! Going freestyle it is :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Aww thanks Mary! I'm looking forward to finding out where my newfound freedom will lead 😊

    ReplyDelete
  12. Good luck! I know it works great for lots of people, just not for me. Blogging is such a joy, I can't wait to fall in love with it all over again! ❤ Thanks for stopping by!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you Emily! That means a lot. And you are right: my blog, my rules. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. It shows in your fantastic posts that you blog when you feel inspired. I will go back to that habit, too. Can't wait to see where this new mindset will lead! Thanks Lady Okie!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks Linds, you're so sweet! I feel so much better for haven given up my schedule. It will be exciting to see which direction my blog is gonna take. I'm at the edge of my seat! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks Amanda, that's so nice! You are right, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want with it! Thanks for the pep talk :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh boy, I go through this at least every few months :) Blogging is so weird! I hope you feel back in the groove soon, I know you will! It's probably the change in seasons.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ahh, I'm sorry you're having a blog identity crisis. If it matters, I think Farm Girl (Gone Yoga) is perfect just the way it is. And I hope there will still be plenty of outfit posts, even though Fashion Friday isn't an official thing anymore. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Aww i'm so with you here! I feel like I go through this periodically too. I know that having a schedule is good for consistency, but then I start feeling bored and trapped!

    ReplyDelete
  20. i hope you'll feel better now that you've got rid of your schedule and made the decision to stop the link-up. it's great that you've tried though! not everything works for everyone, but you don't know what works for you unless you try it out.

    your blog is my favorite because you seem such a genuine, nice and enthusiastic person and your writing reflects that. i don't mind at all if it doesn't have a niche or a schedule. authenticity is what matters, i think, and you bring something to the blogging world that not many others do.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I used to feel like a bad blogger because I didn't have a niche. But when the term "lifestyle blogger" started to become more popular, I realized that totally describes me. I write about my life and whatever I feel like.


    You definitely can't let yourself get too bogged down in the 'right' way to blog. Because there really isn't a one size fits all.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yes, blogging IS weird! But too fun and rewarding most of the time to give it up. Once in a while I feel the urge to treat blogging like a business, and think I need to follow the 100s of different pieces of "advice" that are floating around the internet. But it isn't for me. Hopefully that lesson has finally sunk in haha!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thanks so much Amy! All the support on this post has been absolutely incredible, and quite overwhelming. I can't quite describe how amazing it feels. All I can say is, thank you with all my heart!! This is reason #369 why I will never quit blogging. Having abolished the schedule is working great, I feel rejuvenated and as excited as I did in the early days!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Exactly! You just described 100% how I felt. No more schedule for this girl. Thanks Esther! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dearest D, for 2 days I have been trying to come up with an adequate response to your amazing, thoughtful, wonderful comment. But I'm failing miserably. Your words mean so much, I copied them on a piece of paper and put it in my "gratitude" jar. They make it all worth it. Comments like yours, so uplifting and loving, mean everything.
    A simple thank you is not enough, but it's all I've got. Thank you so, so much! ❤

    ReplyDelete
  26. You are completely right. Even though we probably all know that at some level, it's so easy to get caught up in "the rules".
    Thanks for reminding me that the only rule in blogging is: There are no rules!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Refuel yourself in whatever way is best for you and do whatever the hell you want to do. As the others have already commented - your blog is YOUR blog. Do whatever makes you feel happy/excited/nourished/content/fulfilled. I'm looking forward to joining you on your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thank you Jane, you're the best! Cutting the schedule out of my blog life has been a huge relief. I also re-did my header and tweaked a little here and there - a change is as good as a rest, right? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thanks so much Christina, that means a lot. I say, if you don't feel like blogging, then don't. For us who blog as a hobby, not as a job, it should be fun! If it isn't, then something has to give. Write what excites you, your excitement will shine through for your readers!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sure is :) Loving your welcome description complete with yoga girl and the new heading looks cool.

    ReplyDelete

Blogger Template Designed by pipdig