Identity crisis

Guys, I don't know who I am any more. Well, Farm Girl doesn't know. I have lost my voice, my purpose, my spark for this lovely little blog of mine. And it's breaking my heart a little. 

You know how women who want to become pregnant see babies and pregnant ladies everywhere? I see advice about "finding your purpose", "develop your brand", "have a vision and follow through" for blogs everywhere. And I have none of these things. Gah!!

For the longest time blogging was easy. I would wake up bursting with ideas and energy, barely able to contain my excitement. I learnt that I really liked photography, and could spend hours taking pictures, editing them, and posting them here. I loved to share bits and pieces of our farmlife. I still do, even though I have been doing less of it lately.

So what is the problem? I have been thinking it over for a while and came to several conclusions.

1. My blog is too structured.
This may be laughable for bloggers who adhere to schedules and timetables, write posts weeks in advance and have certain days for certain topics. I have given it a long, hard try, but it doesn't work for me. At the beginning of the year I announced this schedule:

I really tried to stick to it in the beginning. However, turns out that a schedule doesn't work well for me. The How to-series was the first feature to bite the dust; it only lasted a month.
Now, after a lot of thought, I have decided to let the link-up and my weekly fashion posts go as well.
Thank you all so very much for linking up over the last 5 months, you have no idea how much I appreciate it! 

But blogging has been less of a joy and more of a chore for me for a while, and I don't want to lose it, I love it too much. So I'm freeing myself of all self-imposed rules, and return to posting whenever the mood strikes.

2. I'm too focused on labels. 
I have been labelling myself, or trying to find labels, and it's stifling my creativity.
Labels have always been a problem for me: as much as I try to resist the temptation, I can't help but try to organize life into neat little boxes. Am I a writer? I want to be, I am writing most days, so per definition I should be one. But what if you are a bad one? What if it's so bloody hard some days that you curse and complain and procrastinate, and keep talking about fulfilling dreams, but not doing the actual tedious work?
What if you like photography, but you do nothing to further your skills? You are stuck, and you know it, but you don't do anything about it.
What if you try to find a niche for your blog, try to narrow your focus, but you get so wrapped up in this hopeless task that you stop posting altogether?
I wish I could have a more defined focus, but I don't. So until I do, I will keep doing what I have been doing before the schedule: Write about whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it.

3. I'm overthinking this.
No surprise here, I have been, once again, gotten stuck in my own head. I'm a fairly emotional person, and this has been weighing on me for a while, bringing me down - it's actually a huge relief to type all my thoughts out. I feel better already!

I may not have solved my identity crisis, but at least I have gotten rid of the stifling schedule. What does Kino always say:

"Don't orient towards the goal, orient towards the journey, you'll find your peace along the way."

Have a beautiful weekend my beautiful friends!

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