Friday, 24 July 2015

Meltdown

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All it took was an overflowing garbage can. When I came home from work utterly exhausted, sore, tired and grumpy, and saw that he had not emptied the garbage, I exploded. A full-on diva hissy fit was had, resulting in him leaving the house and me being even more mad. Lose/lose all around.

Of course, it wasn't about the garbage. Or work. Or the intense, painful, not-relaxing-yet-necessary massage I had right after. It wasn't even because of the not enough sleep/having to get up early combo, the full-on body pain, the bone-deep exhaustion.

It was all of these annoyances put together, plus PMS, plus my depression = full-on meltdown.

Guys, PMS is no joke. It's not a convenient excuse for rude behaviour - it's a curse. Your emotions completely take over, and you are powerless to stop them. Instead of being in charge of yourself, you are a helpless bystander, being swept up in a tsunami of epic proportions.

On the day of the meltdown, I was on edge all day. Being the modern, tough-it-out woman I am supposed to be, I showed up at work just like I am expected to. I smiled, joked, did my job (maybe with a bit more attitude than usual), and played the part. On the surface, I was a calm duck, gliding serenely across the pond; but underneath it, I was furiously paddling. Everything annoyed me: having to interact with people, talking, listening, being in a group. Not being able to get away. I wanted nothing more than to bolt and run straight home, to hide under the covers and be alone.

But of course, we can't do that. So I gritted my teeth, quietly boiled on the inside, and got through it. Once the blasted 8 hours were finally over, I still didn't get to go home - I had made a massage appointment for my permanently sore shoulders (thanks, work and yoga), and just not showing up is not an option - the German in me won't allow it.

My massage therapist is usually chatty and we talk the entire time, but he must have sensed something: after the initial small-talk, he grew quiet. I sort of zoned out, and was in a weird in-between place: not asleep, not awake, but also not in relaxation bliss (it hurt too much for that) - it was bizarre. After the hour was up, I felt like I had just gone through the wringer - everything hurt.

Such was my state of mind (and body) when I arrived home: Hurting from head to toe, exhausted from having to deal with people all day long when I didn't have the energy for it (introvert here), and PMS. The meltdown was inevitable, because my energy reserves were empty.

Obviously, I attacked the wrong person. But just as obviously, all the penned-up frustration needed to get out. That's the ugly genius of PMS: Everybody suffers. Not only the person having it, but also the people around her. Usually family or close friends, because they are the ones we expose our true selves to.  

There's no moral of the story here. Basically, all I'm saying is this: We all have awful days. PMS sucks. Some days, all you can do is try to hold it together somehow, yell at the wrong person, pout, then feel bad, apologize, take a hot bath and go to bed.

I promise you: The next day will be better. Pinky swear.






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6 comments

  1. I can definitely relate to this. I have had my share of meltdowns too. Poor hubby. ;-)

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  2. Hi Miriam and hi from Germany :-)...luckily I'm not so strongly hit by pms but always good for a meltdown so I'm sad to hear about your day and hope you're feeling better today! Ansonsten... I just wanted to say that reading your blog ALWAYS makes me feeling better and happy, I often read in the morning before work and it's a very nice way to start the day. I truly enjoy reading everything about your farm, your trips, your thoughts, the familiylife you've built yourself, your funny little stories, Canada and I love looking at your pictures! Save the other half for pleasure - this is my favorite blogentry of everything I've read on the internet so far. And I'm 33 so I can truly relate to some of your clothes/styles and memories from Germany in the eighties and nineties! ;-))) As I'm rather just a silent reader toda I just wanted to let you know how much I've come to like you and that for me you are a good reminder of simply enjoying life, not being so ambitious and hard on me, spemding time outdoors and to spent some time alone. I'm a very social person but getting unhappy and feeling drained when I forget that there is also a little introvert inside. Thank you so much for that! xxx ...but this is also about me caring about you and hoping blogging will make you as happy as it has once soon again :-) and asking about your book or shortstories? don't want to be nagging/will dich nicht nerven :-) rather motivating/ dich lieber motivieren durch meine Nachfrage :-), Aaand by the way, I've been to Canada this year for the first time! My husband and I were on the other side in Ontario (Algonquin Parc) and the trip and your blog make me want to travel Canada so much more, We loved it! :-) lots of love und hoping to make YOU smile today, liebe Grüße from Germany, Berit

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  3. Just had one of these days earlier in the week! What I've learned is to turn off my phone or else I complain-call my mom or sister and they get this horrible idea that every day is like this, when in fact it's super temporary. Meltdown days are the worst and sometimes the only option is to go to bed/take a nap and hope everything is better when you wake up. It can be so much fun to be a girl but days like these are the worst!!! Sending hugs and healing <3
    ~ Samantha

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  4. It's a hard time of the month for both of us. ;-)
    Blasted hormones! As if menstruation isn't annoying enough without them. We humans aren't the only ones getting PMS: When my dog is in heat, she is a crazy bitch, too!

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  5. Thanks!! ♥ It's all over now, the next day was normal again. You're right though, at the moment it feels like there will never be any good days ever again! PMS is a curse.

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  6. Dear Berit,

    I hope you will get this message. Your kind comment meant the world to me! I printed it out and read it probably 10 times, and it made me so happy I wanted to cry (happy tears!). Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!

    You wrote that you hope you make me smile, and you sure did!!

    Thoughtful readers like you are what makes blogging so hugely rewarding. I still love it, and I am working on getting more consistency again. Summers are always a bit harder for consistent blogging, because the great outdoors beckons ;-)

    I also really want to thank you for mentioning my imaginary book. I say imaginary because I think about it daily, talk about it regularly, but do very little actual work - you asking is just the motivation/Tritt in den Hintern I needed!

    I'm so happy that you and your husband liked my adopted country. I hope you will get to visit again soon and explore Beautiful BC!

    Thank you again SO much for your wonderful comment.

    Lots of love, Miriam ♥

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