Thursday, 2 May 2013

About lies

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This post is writing itself as I'm sitting here - it wasn't planned at all, just popped into my head as I was sipping my coffee and surfing around the internet.

It might turn into a bit of a rant (I feel like I'm the last to know, just along for the ride), but I want to let loose about how much I hate it when people are lying. Fudging the truth, lying by omission, embellishing, whatever you want to call it - I hate it.

There is an obsession in our society about portraying the image that we live these charmed, perfect lives - perfect relationships, everybody is having so much fun, fun, fun, everything going according to plan - the perfect proposal, marriage, kids, the whole deal. Girls have the perfect hair, make-up, nails, outfit. And if they don't, the world won't see it because they won't go out.
It gives people inferiority complexes, and it is not the whole truth.


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Facebook is a great example: people just post about their happy times, when they look good and are having fun, and it gives the impression that their lives are always perfect.

Don't get me wrong: I am a very positive person and generally upbeat and grateful for life's blessings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing it with others. But would it kill people to show the other side too? Share their struggles, maybe a picture where they are not fully made up?

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Here's the thing: Everybody has insecurities, fears, doubts. And when everybody around you pretends that their life is so perfect it makes people feel inadequate.

I used to think everybody's life is better than mine: They are having more fun, more friends, more excitement. Comparing yourself with what you think is other people's lives, but what in reality is a smoke screen and not the whole story is a terrible downer. It make you feel so alone. Like you're not as cool as everybody else.
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My mom always embellishes stories when talking to people, and it drives me crazy. It's not quite lying, but she definitely bends the truth. When I was younger I asked her all the time why she would do it, and her answer was: "You have to make a story sound more interesting. Nobody wants to hear the truth."

I disagree. Apart from being dishonest (and it must be disappointing, feeling your real life isn't good enough) it's exhausting, because you have to remember what you've told people. It's just not worth it.

A little while ago I wrote about my depression. It was the most liberating experience! I got a lot of positive feedback, with people coming up to me and telling me they are having the same illness. Telling me they know exactly what it feels like. I couldn't believe it! Here I was, thinking all this time I was the only one in my circle suffering from it. Of course I knew that depression is a common affliction and many people have it, but I didn't really know anybody who openly admitted to it.

So then I thought: why stop there? Why not try to speak the truth all the time? Without being hurtful of course.
But why not tell people you don't fell like hanging out when you really don't feel like it? Without having to make up a little white lie. Sometimes we just need time to ourselves, everybody feels like that, so why not admit it?
Or tell your friends you can't go out because money is tight right now. There is no shame in it, I'm sure (almost) everybody has money problems from time to time.

Just be real. It's liberating and makes you feel free! Show your wrinkles, grey hairs, cobwebs in your living room, dust on your shelves. Everybody has that!

It will help you make real connections with the people in your life. Plus it takes a huge load off your shoulders. Perfection is bloody exhausting. (Love the word "bloody". The British influence in my life. We should start using it here in Canada.)
So just stop it okay?
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Rant over. Forgive me for that, but it's been weighing on my mind and really just needed to come out. Phew!
Is anybody else feeling like that sometimes?
Let me know!

xo Miriam




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4 comments

  1. I totally agree with everything you are saying. So liberating to just let go and be yourself. I found this so much easier to do the older I got. Now I just tell people when I don't want to do something, or if I am feeling down I am not afraid to let people know.
    Wish everyone could be on the same page as this. Would alleviate a whole lot of insecurities.
    Thanks for sharing!

    Pia
    pjmscloset.blogspot.ca

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  2. Thanks Pia! You are right, it definitely gets easier once you get a bit older. I'm in my 30s now and I've finally arrived at a point where I don't worry so much about what people might think about me. Feels so good!

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  3. I wholeheartedly agree. Pinterest in particular makes me feel like I should have thighs of steel, a squeaky-clean house, and a talent for decorating cupcakes that blows people's minds. I have none of those things. Instead I have cellulite, a dusty house, and my baking is delicious but always looks like a five year old's been let loose with the icing! I prefer to share the positive things online, because I think some of my personal down days are private; but I try hard not to show only the glossy good times (and remember that other people often only do that!) xxx

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  4. Yes! I love pinterest, but only when I repeatedly remind myself that it's basically a fairy tale that has nothing to do with reality. Like Hollywood. Otherwise I would be too ashamed to even get out of bed in the morning: with stubbly legs, hair sticking up in every direction, wandering into a kitchen that desperately needs a fresh coat of paint and is not decorated according to the season.
    It's refreshing to see people who will show you a bit of both, so much more real and interesting!

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