Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Life is a puzzle


Sometimes the most profound thoughts hit you in the middle of the most mundane tasks. 
Like yesterday, for example. Here I was, traipsing around the farm, feeding the chickens, when all of a sudden this thought entered my mind: "Everything has worked out pretty well." (Well, maybe not the most profound thought ever.)
And I have to agree - yes, it really has.

Because and despite of what I have desired, life seems to follow a path that is just right for me. And I can't help but wonder: How much of it is my doing? How much are we really in control of our lives?
Is it all pre-destined, and we are just along for the ride, not really making decisions of our own like we think, but following a path that has long been decided for us?

If you are a believer, you will agree with the above statement - yes, a higher power has your life mapped out for you and guides you.
If you are not, things are not as clear.

I believe in a higher power, but also in the power of our own strength. I believe that our mind is so powerful that it can influence our life - that it is an actual force that can manifest our dreams into reality.

There is an obscure branch of science that's called "noetic sciences". My main reference is Dan Brown's book The Lost Symbol, so I don't know how accurate it is; but I also looked it up online and found this definition on the website of The Institute of Noetic Sciences: "[...] another way of knowing is subjective or internal, including gut feelings, intuition, and hunches - the way you know you love your children, for example, or experiences you have that cannot be explained or proven "rationally" but feel absolutely real. This way of knowing is what we call noetic." (source)
In a nutshell, it means that our minds are a physical force that can change actual matter.

The way I interpret it for our own lives is as follows: If you think about something often enough, and envision yourself doing and living it, then it will one day become reality. I really believe that, because it has worked for my own life several times.

So, let's see now. On the one side, we have this higher power, leading us on our path.
On the other side, we have our own mind, with the awesome potential to make our dreams become a reality.

Which one is it? Or are they connected in some way?

Looking back at my own life as reference, there is clear evidence of both.
I wanted to be happily married. I made the decision to travel to Canada; something (fate/God/a higher power) made me meet the love of my life in a peculiar, obscure place in the middle of nowhere.
 
I wanted to live in Canada. See above.

I thought I would have children. Here is where I truly feel that someone was guiding me. When I was younger, I always thought I would have kids one day; I didn't question it, it was a given, part of being a grown-up woman. However, just because one is a woman doesn't mean that she automatically has to be a mother as well. We have a choice. Something (fate/God/a higher power) found the perfect solution for me: stepchildren. I could never have planned it that way - it is absolutely perfect for me.

I wanted to have a job that's satisfying, but doesn't take over my life. Working in health care is something I would never have thought possible for myself 10 years ago. I didn't think I had the required caring nature, and hospitals creeped me out. Who knew that it would the perfect fit? I'm still surprised sometimes to see how it all worked out. My part-time rotation is tailor-made for our lifestyle: working mostly evenings which gives me the mornings off to do the chores around the farm and have time to write, and having regularly 3 or 4 days off in a row. It is perfection.
Yes, I made the decision to go back to school and train to become a x-ray technologist; but something (fate/God/a higher power) guided me towards this decision.


We make lots and lots of decision every day. Most of them seem not to have a great impact: Coffee or tea? This skirt or that one? Am I going to watch TV or read a book?
But they all make a difference to how our day, and by extension, our life goes: If I don't have coffee, I'm grumpy, and the day is not off to a good start.
Same goes with the skirt: If you wear the prettier, more flattering one, will you attract more attention? Maybe get a compliment or two, which will put you in such a good mood that you smile at a random stranger and make their day just a bit more pleasant?

Reading a new book instead of watching TV may open a new horizon that makes your dream seem just that much more attainable...
Some of you may know that my greatest ambition is to write a book one day. I mention it often, partly to make myself accountable, and partly to make it more than a dream - I want to make it a goal.
Last week, I discovered an author that made my heart beat faster. Reading her book, I felt myself getting more and more excited: that's the kind of book I want to write! Her style is the style I want to write in! She used to be a self-proclaimed "normal person" who achieved the dream: becoming a bestselling author.

The lady I'm talking about is Liane Moriarty, and she has written several bestsellers. Her maybe best-known book is The Husband's Secret, wherein a mother and wife finds a letter addressed to her by her husband, to be opened in the event of his death. Despite her husband still being very much alive, she opens the letter (who wouldn't?) and discovers a terrible secret that changes all their lives forever.

Finding Liane has given my lofty, vague dream structure. I feel like I have found a very important piece to the puzzle that is my life, and see the picture that my life will be one day a bit more clearly.

We all need role models, and I just found my writing role model. It's very difficult to explain why she has me so excited - it feels like a piece just slit into place and clicked.

Have you ever felt that? Something happened and just made sense? It felt like your world righted itself? I hope so, it's an awesome feeling!

xoxo Miriam

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4 comments

  1. i've been away for a while, but i always keep reading your blog via my phone and i couldn't wait to comment and tell you how much i like all of your recent posts. i really think you are finding/have found your blogging voice. your writing seems so honest and so straight from your heart and the posts are so well composed.

    about this one.. i feel the same way. i believe in a higher power (i'm not sure what kind of power though), but i also believe in my own strength to make things happen. i haven't yet experienced that feeling you decribe, but i always feel like i'm close. so i guess i will have to keep envisioning ^^

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  2. What an interesting way to think about our paths in life! I just looked up the book, and placed a hold on it for the library...I'm interested in seeing what her style is. I'm so happy you are continuing to follow your dream and path to being an author. Hugs M!

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  3. I'm really into this post... this is something that I think about pretty much every day. Sometimes it feels better to let go and let "The Universe" take control. Sometimes it feels awesome to grab the reigns and forge your own destiny. Which is it?? For me, I think the different philosophies help at different times in life. Maybe it's not supposed to be one or the other. :P

    xxo~Chantilly

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  4. I listened to The Husband's Secret on Audible and I loved it. I will have to check out more by Liane (I feel like I'm on a first name basis with her since she's your reading role model and all).

    Have you read Rules of Civility? When I read that one, the writing really spoke to me. The author, Amor Towles, only has one other book that I have seen mention of, and I need to find it and read it!

    -Amy

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