Sunday 29 May 2016

Resume of failures

Here is a little-known fact about me: I went to school with a genius. We didn't run in the same circles at school (I definitely wasn't part of the smart kids), but we did share the same piano teacher once upon a time. That and the fact that we graduated the same year from the same school are the only similarities between us.
Johannes is an assistant professor of psychology and public affairs at Princeton, a fact I didn't know until he posted something on Twitter: His "CV of failures".  

This is my senior class from high school. I circled him and myself. Puberty wasn't kind to either one of us, feel free to laugh! I sure did. In my defense, someone dumped a glass of water over me shortly before the picture was taken, so I was pissed. 

I came across this refreshing document because his equally accomplished sister shared it on Facebook.
Here it is:

(If you are interested in Johannes' real resume, it's right here. Prepare to be intimidated.) 

Obviously, I had to re-create it for my own life in a somewhat more casual manner, with less grants and more personal stuff. 

Here is my tongue-in-cheek history of failures:

Miriam Verheyden 
Resume of Failures

Academic failures    

2002   Dropped out of college in 2002 with no degree whatsoever

2004   Received a "certificate in hospitality" for which I paid $8,000.00, and which only got me an entry-level, minimum-wage job 

Blog failures

2016   Blogging for 3 years. Still not blog-famous.

Relationship failures

1995   Ended a "relationship" (it was a platonic one) to a guy who had a crush on me, and whom my family loved. They invited him along on our family vacation in France and made me share a tent with him (I was 14, he was 19). He talked about marriage. I was flattered, but uncomfortable. After 10 months I ended it, which resulted in him packing all his stuff in a huff, dramatically stalking out of the house and yelling that he would never return. I was relieved, my family was angry. With me.

1997   Broke up with my first love (whom I thought I would marry) for my second love.

1999   Broke up with my second boyfriend (whom I also thought I would marry). 

2001   Got dumped by a guy for my sister, whom he ended up marrying.

Womanhood failures

2016   36 years old, never been pregnant. What a waste of ovaries.

Aren't these uncannily similar to Johannes' failures? No wonder we were so tight in high school ;-)

What are some of the things you tried that didn't work out?   


No comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for commenting! I always reply to comments here, so check back in a day or two!

© Farm Girl | All rights reserved.
Blog Layout Created by pipdig