Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Embarrassing truths

I’m a huge fan of hearing/reading about other people’s little mishaps. Not because I want to laugh at them, I want to laugh with them! (At least that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.)

No, the real reason is that I love me some self-deprecating humour. People who don’t take themselves too seriously are my people. I have a couple IRL* friends that have that sort of humour and I adore them for it.

*in real life (just learned that one and need to show off with my newly acquired slang)

In the Blogosphere there are some wickedly funny ladies as well, let me introduce you to 4 of my faves:

Ree Drummond, aka The Pioneer Woman. Does this lady need an introduction? I think not. She is blog royalty. I just love her life. They live on a huge ranch, and her posts about ranch life make me yearn for cattle, wild mustangs, and thousands of acres of land. And omg, does she have a wicked sense of humour! Here are two examples: Skiing Alone (today's post) and All I Wanted Was a Doughnut. But honestly, all her posts are like that. Check her out!

Amanda from The Lady Okie is always hilarious, and can laugh at herself. That's a 5-star quality in my book! Case in point: her Awkward and Awesome series. Have a look, it’s awesome (+awkward – see what I did there?)!

Then there is Amber from Forever Amber. Oh, how I love that girl! She is a fashion blogger who has such a way with words – I find myself bursting out loud with laughter on a regular basis when I read her blog. Here is just one example: Walk this way.
She is the queen of self-deprecation!

My first blogger crush was Mona from Chipped Nails and Chapped LipsRead this post New Hair and you will understand why.

These witty ladies are my inspiration. I want to be funny like them. So I thought to myself: “Miriam, you can’t be the only one who laughs at with other people’s embarrassing stories. Share some strange truths of your own for the entertainment of others.”
I almost posted this without a single picture. That's a big no-no!
This one seemed appropriate.

Since I listen to a proper pep talk (not when others give them, obviously, but when I do it myself), here are 5 embarrassing things I do on a regular basis.
Probably right now.

1. Pulling my underwear up in public. Well, let me explain that to you. Due to my bootylicious/junk in the trunk/bubble butt and an aversion to buying underwear, I don’t have very many panties that fit properly. Combine that with scrub pants and you have a recipe for disaster: the dreaded wedgie. I hate wedgies. Can’t stand it even for a minute – they need to be pulled up and out rightthissecond. Sometimes, there isn’t enough time to go look for a private spot to do it. So the hallway/exam room/middle of the street has to do, and I’m simply hoping that nobody will watch me. But they have. Sorry about that. However, I don’t see this changing any time soon.

2.  I eat everywhere. Between patients at work, in front of the computer, in our main work area, in the car, while I’m walking, in the bathroom… I mean, literally everywhere.
I actually don’t enjoy sitting on the table and taking my time. Too antsy. I wolf down food like my life depends on it. And I’m a sloppy eater: I like to talk, and a little obstacle like food in my mouth won’t stop me. Beware of flying crumbs!

3. I eat off the floor. I am very comfortable with germs. Meaning, I'm the opposite of a germaphobe, which is (I googled it) - a germophile (according to the Urban Dictionary, which means it's a solid fact). It sounds ominous. Any word with phile at the end sounds vile, doesn't it? But germs just don't bother me. I know they exist, but I grew up with the adage that "some dirt is healthy", and I can't change that attitude. Even though I work in a hospital. The 5-second rule is a real thing in my mind, and I live by it. #sorrynotsorry

4. I never flip my mattress. Or rotate my tires. To be completely honest here, I did not know that you are supposed to flip your mattress. We talked about it at work one day and I was quite surprised to learn that this is something people do. I knew about the tires, but hey - it's a man's job. Since Richard doesn't deem it necessary, neither do I.

5. My common knowledge is pretty much non-existent. This is something that bothers me a bit, but not enough to change it. Don't ask me who our mayor is. Or anything politics-related. All I know is that Stephen Harper is our Prime Minister, but I had to do a quick google search to confirm that he is a Conservative. I know nothing about sports. Names are my natural nemesis, so don't mention a name (any name, really) and expect me to know who that person is. I won't. 
I have a generalized interest in history, but get facts and dates confused all the time. 
Since I don't read the newspaper I'm always in the dark about the latest catastrophes, murders, or scandals. Except celebrity scandals - I know those! Priorities. 

Yup, that's it. These came shockingly easy, and I could have listed at least another 5 points, but I can only take so much embarrassment on one day. 

How about you? Any embarrassing truths you want to share? (Please, please don't let me hanging here.) Do so in the comments!

Happy humpday from this (only slightly) red-faced

Farm Girl


Linking up with Kat from Vodka and Soda today!

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17 comments

  1. The five second rule is alive and well in my life. There has not been a brownie or cookie crumb wasted because of falling off and on to the floor.
    When my husband travels, I take my coffee and eggs and eat in bed. This is the only time I watch the news and it's only to see the weather. The rest of the time I am on social media.
    Speaking of social media, Facebook is the first thing I look at when I get up in the morning. I turn off my alarm, check for notifications then read them while the dogs eat and I go about my morning routine. I rotate between facebook, twitter and instagram several times within the 1.5 hours I have to get ready... needless to say, I usually leave late.

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    1. Oh and one more thing... Every time I buy underwear, I ALWAYS manage to get a pair of briefs mixed in with the other styles and I never return them because I am lazy. However, I wear them anyway and every time they creep up the back of my jeans and stick out the top. The first time this happened, I was on a business trip with some vendors and my coworker pointed it out after everyone had a good chuckle. I was mortified! So now I make sure I have a long top on over my pants no matter when style undies I have on. And it's typically VS brand...

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    2. Oh Mary, I love you! You descried my everyday morning perfectly. Getting up waaay early to have enough time for everything and still be late? I thought I had a serious problem, but now I will chalk it up to being "creative". We are writers, that's how we are. Thank you SO much for that!! And I simply love your your underwear story. It's gold. Very familiar, too. You are a gem!!

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  2. 5 second rule? definitely. unless it's at work. there are some nasty bitches at my office.

    and i love laughing at other people's funny stories or mishaps!! :)

    thanks for linking up!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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    1. That's what I was saying! The 5-second rule is real! My co-workers disagree, but what do they know. Just a bunch of germaphobes. I really liked your link-up! See you again soon!

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  3. You KNOW I thought about trying to salvage some of the cake from the road. My husband was even a little shocked that I'd eaten the icing off the container... It had clearly hit the road a time or two since it was in the opposite lane from where it fell. And I clearly lived through the experience. BAM!

    Maternity pants are the worst for having to pull up. I am CONSTANTLY rearranging my pants/undies as they fall inches, and until I read your thing, I'd never even given it a thought.

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    1. Oh I totally would have done it. Germs? Are they even real? Maybe it's just an urban myth...
      Thanks for sharing your undies story! I feel so much better.

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  4. Oh my goodness. Ree's donut posts is still one of my favorites of all time. I was snort laughing at my desk. I can't believe my name is mentioned so close to hers! I'm basically famous. Ha! Also, I eat off the floor too. Germs say what?

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    1. I know! Isn't she great?? And you are just as funny! Germs are totally overrated. I insist that they are good for us.

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  5. I eat off of the floor, too!!!!!! The 5 second rule is for wimps... I'll let that shit sit there for a damn MINUTE. #damnitfeelsgoodtobeagangsta

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    1. Hahahaha you go girl! I like your style. :-)

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  6. Yea!!! This is the best linkup. I do want to join in on the next Shit Men Say linkup too. You totally had me busting up about your panty pulling. I feel like a 13 year old girl because even the word panties made me laugh. God I'm so mature.

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    1. I was partly inspired by your confessions! There is something so liberating about letting it all out.
      Honestly, I was wondering if there is another/better word for panties. Couldn't think of anything. It's my second language, sometimes English stumps me!

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  7. Too funny! That picture is actually quite cute. P and I never watch the news, we are informed through a combination of Zite and Facebook...I rarely feel that out of the loop;)

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    1. I didn't know about Zite, thanks for letting me know! It's on my phone already. :-)
      It makes me feel so much better knowing that I'm not alone with all my quirks!

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