Monday 8 February 2016

10 things that keep me up at night

There are two types of people in the world: leaders and followers. Our two horses Nick and Dancer are the perfect example: Dancer (the white one) has been a follower all his life, always being dominated by every other horse in the pack. Nick (the one with the ghetto booty) is the leader, bossing him around and acting like he's king. 

I'm a Dancer (but with Nick's impressive booty). I want to be a Nick, but I can't seem to get the hang of it. I'm too unsure of where I'm going to lead anyone, stumbling often, not having the assuredness and confidence of a true leader. I think. But I'm not sure. What do you think?

That's just one of the things that keep me up at night. Cassie from [Witty title here], a true leader and visionary, created a writing challenge for February: #ResolveToWrite. In true Miriam fashion, I just saw it yesterday, and won't be able to catch up now - challenges have a way of getting the best of me these days. But I still want to follow some of her prompts, because they are so good!

You just heard the first question that keeps me up at night (Am I a leader? Follower? How can I become a leader?), here are nine more:

2. Do dogs have a sense of time?
Do they know that I'm gone for 8 hours? Or does it make no difference for them whether it's 10 minutes or 10 hours? What is time, anyway? It's all relative. 8 hours at work can feel like an eternity, but 8 hours spent drinking wine by the pond fly by. Then there is the time suspense on flights - time doesn't only crawl, it stops completely. Maybe time gets confused because it passes different time zones. Changing oneself ain't easy, and it's in one time and in another time at the same time. It basically has multiple personalities.
That's confusing.
Do dogs ever think of that?

3. What would I do if I had only one year to live? 
Maybe it's a side effect of working in a hospital, but I worry about that question way too much.
Do I really need to see Australia in my lifetime? How about New York? How would I ever get a bestseller written in a year? What else is on my bucket list? I don't really have a bucket list. I need to make a bucket list.
There is so many things I haven't done yet. But what is it that I really want? WHAT?

4. How much longer can I sleep?
Whenever I have to get up especially early, I wake up every hour to check how much longer I can sleep.
'It's 1am. I have to get up in 3 hours. Better get some more sleep.'

10 minutes later. 

'Now it's 1:10am. Sleep, Miriam, or you will be so tired tomorrow!'
'Well, not tomorrow. Today. In less than 3 hours. Sleep, woman!'

I will repeat this pattern on the hour, every hour. It's great fun.  

5. What should I wear?
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to contemplate what to wear the next day. Take this week for example: I get to pick up my husband from the airport, which is one of my most favourite things to do. He was away for 2 weeks, so I got to miss him; now we will be reunited after this tragic and difficult time. I always do it Hollywood-style: Arrive early, impatiently pace up and down, and when he finally, finally rounds the corner, I run to him and fling my arms around him in a very public display of affection. It's awesome.
A very important part of this scenario is the outfit, and I still haven't decided what to wear, even though he will arrive in T-51 hours. It's getting critical, people!

6. Why does my jaw hate me?
I have a clicking-jaw problem, and it's getting worse. It all started about a year ago, after my dentist told me to get a mouth guard. Apparently I'm a clencher, and he said I'm destroying my teeth. So I got that stupid thing, and shortly after the jaw clicking started. Coincidence? I don't think so.  It's been clicking for months, which was little more than a nuisance in the beginning, but has become a more serious problem now: It interferes with my ability to eat my beloved big sandwiches. Doctor, help me!

7. My hair makes my neck sweat.
I often wake up with my neck covered in sweat. It's being suffocated by my own hair, and I don't know what to do about it. Braid it? Endure it? Cut if off? I have no answer to any of these questions.

8. Being itchy.
I probably shouldn't talk about it, but sometimes I have fleas. Well, Lily (the corgi) does, and since she sleeps in the bed it's only a matter of time before they attack me. I don't mean to brag, but I'm irresistible to fleas. They love me! The devour me alive, which in turn keeps me awake because their love bites are so damn itchy.

9. Dreams.
I have vivid, surreal dreams every night that usually wake me up at some point, heart pounding, lying motionless in bed, neck covered in sweat, staring at the ceiling and wondering what it all means. I need a little while to digest them, sometimes having to wake up Rich to unburden myself and let him reassure me that yes, it really was just a dream.

10. The howling of the coyotes.
Can I tell you a secret? I love the howling of the coyotes. We live in a rural area, and we have lots of coyotes as neighbours. Their yipping and howling reminds me that I really live in the west, formerly known as the wild west. I love it. Growing up in Germany, I never experienced that, and it gives me a warm glow of pleasure every time I hear it. Because it means that I am in the land of my dreams.  

What keeps you up at night?


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