Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Thursday, 29 January 2015

Down days


The other day I had one of those days were I felt beaten down by the world. I had certain expectations about the day, and they didn't come true. That's my biggest downfall: I imagine certain events, really built them up in my mind, until they resemble a scene in a fairy tale, and when they don't pan out like I imagined it, I am crushed. Usually they involve people who I assigned roles to they know nothing about, and when they don't fulfill those roles, I am bitterly disappointed.

I once read that one should "expect nothing, appreciate everything". Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Or is it wise and the recipe against disappointments? I'm more the kind of person who expects good things to happen, because I believe in the power of positive thinking. And also in self-fulfilling prophecies, and the power of visualization.
But when you vividly imagine something, really see it in your mind, and it doesn't come true - it hurts. Because you feel like you already had it, and it was snatched away. You got a taste of it, it tasted so good, and before you could take a second bite, it's gone.

After crying about it, feeling bruised and sad about it, and talking to three of my trusted confidantes about it, I came to a conclusion. Well, several conclusions, actually.

1. You have no control over other people, you can only control yourself. Meaning: Stop assigning roles to them they know nothing about.
2. Sometimes, people suck. They don't do what they promised. That's why I have dogs.
3. Don't expect too much. I can't get on board with the "expect nothing"-philosophy, but curbing my expectations seems like a good idea.
4. Accept that some days are shitty. Life ain't easy, and nobody ever said it would be. That's why there is chocolate.
5. Remember: the next day will be better. It's probably a law of physics or something, something about equilibrium? Whatever it is, I have learnt that if you had a really awful day, the next one will be better. Promise!
6. If you look long enough, you will find something that makes you smile and your heart hopeful again.

Because in the end, this world ain't too bad after all.





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12 comments

  1. I used to get that way as well but lately I have just been really forward with what I want and expect and it has helped so much as then the person can either say yes or no and I can move on.

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  2. Aww Miriam, big virtual hug from Slovenia! People are really shitty sometimes, I can totally agree. But that doesn't mean you should lower your expectation for ANYBODY! You're a gal with big dreams, moving words and great heart and some people are not like that and they will never get it. Maybe you will continue to feel disappointment but just know that you have a precious soul and that sometimes it sucks to learn the hard way who to trust and love. It's okay, you'll heal. You have dogs AND chocolates! Continue living & loving the way you're doing, you probably have great things ahead. Have a great week!!

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  3. I literally just had a day like this yesterday. And I wasn't even dealing with people most of the day! My smartphone broke, so I was completely cut off from social media AND couldn't even call my mom to talk about my crappy day, my freezer decided to stop freezing things so my shakes have been super runny without frozen bananas, hours have been getting cut at work so paying for my bridesmaid dress (over $130) was stressful, especially given that I just paid off $600 worth of textbooks. And then there's the whole not knowing what I'll be doing this summer yet...it's extremely stressful.
    I'm not sure how today's going to go yet...I have three classes and have to squeeze in a trip to the Verizon store where I may or may not have to drop another load on a new phone :/ Sometimes life just gives you lemons - awful, sour, disgusting lemons. But instead of making lemonade, I'm going to make orange juice and leave the world wondering how I did it :) Hang in there, Farm Girl!
    ~ Samantha

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  4. What wisdom here! I like all of these truths, especially the fifth. It's so helpful to look ahead. What goes down will eventually rise again.

    Beautiful blog. :-)

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  5. Maybe the occasional bad day makes us appreciate the really good ones and even the average ones that much more. You brought some great lessons out of your bad day though! And three cheers for your friends who were there to help you sort through the mess!

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  6. "Stop assigning roles to them they know nothing about." Trust me when I say you are not the only one who does this! I used to do it ALLLLLL the time. I've gotten a lot better about it, but sometimes it still takes a lot of effort to realize it's okay for my to say out loud when I need or want something from someone else. Keep your chin up!
    -Linds

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  7. Those points you made are such great advice! I really needed the reminder - thanks for posting! :)

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  8. So, I totally used to think I was a positive person, but honestly sometimes I prefer to not get my hopes up and be surprised and excited when something happens instead of sad when it doesn't. Still, I do prefer the positive angle of things :) I admire your attitude. You don't seem like someone who could stay down for long!

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  9. It's a tricky balancing act between not having expectations and being a positive thinker! I'm right there with you. I like to think life has something better planned for you and that's why this thing didn't work out.
    OXOX
    Dawn Lucy
    http://fashionshouldbefun.blogspot.com

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  10. Sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted. I love how you try to turn it all more postive. I had a pretty stressful week last week too. I had to stop and think of the happy stuff too. I can be so easy to dwell on the negative but I try not to as well. :)

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  11. Great points and advice! Sorry you had a bad day! I know some days it certainly feels like nothing comes out quite right, but you are right, usually tomorrow is better :)

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  12. I think it's our expectations that lead to the most disappointment in life. And they're often supercharged by fiction, if you're like me and fiction sort of blurs with reality sometimes. You can't help but imagine how things will be and dreaming it all up and of course everything is perfect in our heads. It's just part of how we're wired, I don't think it's possible to expect absolutely nothing. Unless something is a surprise!
    I actually touched on this a little in my gratitude post yesterday, how I had all these expectations about life after uni and travelling in Oz and how defeated I felt. How I dwelled on the negative instead of focusing on the positive and the things I had to be grateful for.
    I'm sorry you had a bad day, but remember it's ok to wallow sometimes, as long as we remember to kick ourselves back in to gear before the downward spiral. XO

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