Creating my happy life on the other side of fear.

Monday, 19 January 2015

How to make yourself feel better on "fat" days


Do you know that today is the most depressing day of the year? Yup, it is true (I also wrote about it last year). The smart people who decide these things have determined that the 3rd Monday in January is "blue Monday", because a variety of downers combine to hit us full force: Christmas bills, grey skies, broken resolutions.

But don't despair! I have decided to tackle a particularly pesky issue today: body image and weight. You all know "fat" days, right? (If you don't, you are the luckiest person alive. Or lying.) Those days where you look into the mirror and feel like an ogre. Where you wear your favourite pair of jeans, the ones that usually make you feel like Beyoncé, but today you feel like the Michelin man. I could have posted pictures many a time where I look like I'm 5 months pregnant, all courtesy to bloat and bountiful food babies.  

Over the years I have developed a few tricks I use to make myself feel better on "fat" days. 
Ready? Let's go!

1. When weighing yourself, pick up your dog/cat/small child and weigh yourself with them in your arms. Then, instead of subtracting their real weight, use a number that suits you and make them responsible for any gain. I also like to weigh myself with my tooth brush in hand and tell myself: "Good golly, that tooth brush must weigh 5 pounds."

2. Pants feeling tight? Always blame the dryer. Always. 

3. Get yourself one of those slimming mirrors. I bought one by accident several years ago, and it has since become one of my most prized possessions. It's a great mood booster!

4. Have chunky pets. My fat pony and bootylicious Corgi look so darn cute - chubby is adorable!

5. This: "If you can't fit into the largest dress in the shop then just take a photo in the fitting room & pretend it zipped up. Then burn the store to the ground." Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess)

6. Contrary to popular belief, gravity is your friend. Just lie down and watch your tummy getting flat(ish).

7. Two words: yoga pants.

8. Focus on a skinny body part.
source

9. Make hormones responsible (because they are), and rest assured in the knowledge that their power is beyond our control. Then eat some chocolate to tame the beast. And because it's medicinal. And tastes delicious.

10. Find a group of girls and open the conversation with the statement: "Omg, I'm so bloated today!" They will immediatley understand and commiserate. If they don't, never talk to them again.

There you have it! Tried and true techniques.

No matter how miserable today's Monday might turn out to be, remember that you are not alone. And that there is always chocolate.




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4 comments

  1. Haha I should print this out and put it next to my mirror!

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  2. Haha! I love your how-to posts thus far this year! Great addition to the blog. These are all excellent tips and well timed too!

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  3. I like the scale idea! Don't forget your clothes are 5 pounds easily too.

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  4. I love blaming the dryer. It's true! That evil thing.

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